Most of y'all have been here a while and understand the lingo that Bleacher Creatures use. Some of them are common, but some football fans need a little help in deciphering the more intricate vocabulary of football.

Here is the first official Bleacher Creature Football for Dummies, vol. 1.

 

Kicker: The guy on the team who couldn't make the soccer team. Also known as a head case.

 

Wide Receiver: The guy who makes wimpy blocks, catches the balls he shouldn't, and drops the ones he should. Future NFL analyst who has no taste in clothing.

 

Quarterback: A player who gets all the chicks, no matter how ugly he is. The guy who always breaks the finger on his throwing hand.

 

Running back: The runner who the fullback makes look good with tremendous blocks.

 

Safety: the guy who everybody blames when a wide receiver makes one of those catches he shouldn't have made.

 

Linebacker: A defensive player who is legally allowed to kill people on the field.

 

Spread formation: Unstoppable. Also what desperate housewives do to get their husbands away from the TV during football season.

 

WCO: West Coast Offense—an offensive scheme that involves short, precise passes usually based on timing or under routes. Used a lot in two minute drills against the prevent.

 

Prevent: The defensive formation of three down linemen, with the rest covering the long ball. A D that will prevent you from winning the game because the O will be running a WCO.

 

Stacking the box: When your DBs and safety join the linebackers in the box area behind the line for a party to see who can tear the running back from limb-to-limb first. What quarterbacks love to see when they have called a fly route in the huddle.

 

Punt: Failure.

 

Interception: What DBs do to embarrass quarterbacks they can't sack on a blitz.

 

Flea-flicker: A trick passing play that will cause the coach to either look brilliant or stupid, depending on whether or not the receiver makes a catch he shouldn't. Potential bench-warming duties for the safety.

 

Sweep: A running play where the running back runs 10 yards to gain two yards.

 

Reverse: A trick play that rarely works, except in the WAC.

 

Double-reverse: The play that usually precedes a punt.

 

Statue of Liberty: A trick play that never works unless you are playing a high school varsity team or Oklahoma in the Fiesta Bowl.

 

Blast: A boring running play that results in a massive collision at the line of scrimmage and a few torn ACLs.

 

Off-tackle: A fancy word for a diagonal blast.

 

Cheerleaders: What fans look at when a team runs a lot of blast plays.

 

Yell leaders: Those boring guys your mom wants you to date. Future insurance salesman or accountant.

 

Mascots: A way to contain a drunk student in a plush costume so he can't do any damage in the stands.

 

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