What's up, Bleachers? My name is Eric Kanes and this is a weekly column that I will be doing. I will have a review of RAW up every Tuesday afternoon and a review of SmackDown called "Smack Talk" up every Saturday morning. The RAW review still needs a name so feel free to suggest catchy names in the comment section. If I like yours, I'll use it and give you a shout out in my next review. And that's enough about me.
Live from Milwaukee, Wisconsin (although R-Truth is still in Green Bay) this is the RAW review.
The show starts with Vince McMahon, who I guess is not in a coma anymore, coming out with a "major announcement," and the major announcement is that there will be a guest host at WrestleMania? That's it? They could've easily just aired a short video package letting us know that there will be a guest host. This was over hyped and you can tell that the live audience was disappointed as they were dead throughout the segment.
As for the guest host, I'm hoping that it's either The Rock or Steve Austin. Both are actually likely as The Rock has a new movie coming out shortly after WrestleMania and Steve Austin is set to host Tough Enough, which will also premiere shortly after WrestleMania. However, considering that Justin Bieber is to sing the national anthem at the event, be prepared.
Anyway, Randy Orton came out right after Vince's speech ended to cut a promo saying that he is not finished with Nexus just because he took out Husky Harris; he is just getting started.
Here is the problem I have with this, though—we know that Orton is going to end up taking out every member of Nexus and we know that it's going to either be with the RKO or the punt. Yawn. WWE needs to come up with a way to have Orton take them out in a creative way at unexpected times. Orton's character is getting stale because he does not do anything other than the RKO; WWE needs to build him as a badass who does what he wants when he wants.
CM Punk came out afterwards to explain his actions and he called Orton "Randall." Ha, I love this guy. He went on to show footage from Unforgiven 2008 where Orton took out Punk and cost him the world championship. Whoa, I'm surprised WWE let us remember that far back, but I loved this segment and I love Punk's character.
He's a fantastic heel because he actually tells the truth and gets you to believe what he's saying rather than all the generic cocky heels, like Dolph Ziggler. Punk goes on to say that he won't wait until Elimination Chamber; he will take Orton out tonight. The other three Nexus guys come out and beat down Orton in the ring. The segment ends with Punk hitting the GTS on Orton.
The computer e-mailed Cole during commercials to tell him that all the members of Nexus will be in action tonight against participants in the Elimination Chamber.
R-Truth d. Mason Ryan via DQ (*)
Ha, there was a bit of unintentional comedy when my boy, Truth thought he was still in Green Bay. I get that the purpose of this match wasn't to put on a technical classic but Mason Ryan didn't look like he knew what he was doing. He hit Truth with a power slam three times in a row. He locked in a submission and Truth tapped out to end it. Ryan locked in a modified torture rack and the referee reversed the decision giving Truth the DQ win.
Punk is in the locker room with Nexus and he congratulates Mason Ryan for hurting Truth. The story of the night is that each of the Nexus members must weaken one of the Elimination Chamber participants for CM Punk.
Eve, Gail Kim, & Tamina d. Melina & The Bella Twins (1/4*)
Typical 2 minute RAW divas match. This got nothing accomplished except for the fact that we now know that Eve will be facing Natalya next week for the Diva's title.
The "2-21-11" promo airs again this time with the "ain't no grave can hold my body down" song that played in all of the 2010 Undertaker/HBK video packages. Does that mean it's Undertaker? Let's hope that this is their way of swerving us.
The Elimination Chamber video package plays and it lets us know that the Elimination Chamber is the most career threatening match. I guess we're supposed to forget that Hell in a Cell was the most career threatening match in October.
John Morrison d. Michael McGillicutty (3/4*)
There was a spot where McGillicutty wanted to drop kick Morrison's arm between the ring post and steel steps but Morrison pulled his arm away. This was another RAW Three Minute Special with Morrison getting the win after a Flash Kick and Starship Pain.
As Morrison is leaving, Punk sprays something in his face and kicks him in the head. So what happens after Morrison washes his eyes and takes some Advil? I don't think this was the best way of making Morrison look injured.
The Miz & Alex Riley are out next and they call Jerry Lawler to the ring. The Miz says that he has patterned his career after Jerry Lawler's, and now he's the most must see champion. Miz says that they are like mirror images of each other. Lawler says that he didn't pattern his career after anybody and he says that everybody thinks Miz sucks and that Miz is aweful. He also said something about poop.
This was just brutal to listen to. Miz eventually goes after Lawler but Lawler gets the better of him and Riley. Way to book your WWE Champion. DiBiase comes to Miz's aide, followed by Daniel Bryan making the save. The GM buzzes in and makes this a tag team match.
Jerry Lawler & Daniel Bryan d. Ted DiBiase & The Miz (*1/2)
This went for about nine minutes with Daniel Bryan getting the babyface beatdown and then making the hot tag to Lawler. Lawler cleaned house and dropped the first on DiBiase to get the win. This match really didn't get anything done except further bury Miz. At least we didn't have to listen to Jerry Lawler on commentary.
Sheamus came out next for his match with David Otunga but he got interrupted by Josh Matthews. Matthews says that Henry said that Sheamus is a joke and he should be replaced in the Elimination Chamber match. Sheamus responded by saying that Henry has not accomplished anything in his career and that he would only fit in if it was a cake-eating contest. Kool-Aid came down to the ring and beat down Sheamus, hitting him twice with the World's Strongest Slam. David Otunga then came in and raised his hand.
I don't know what it is about Otunga but he's just terrible. His body language was horrible here. Was he supposed to look cocky? Proud? Dominant? I didn't understand. He was jittering in a way that made him look like he needed to take a dump. At least we didn't have to see him wrestle.
Ricardo Rodriguez came out with his usual fantastic introduction. Cole made sure to ask how many cars Del Rio owns. How many times is he going to ask this? Maybe he should send Josh Matthews to interrupt his entrance and ask him.
Alberto Del Rio d. Santino Marella (*)
Santino interrupted Del Rio's usual destiny speech and tossed him from the ring thinking that he won the Royal Rumble. The match then started for real and Del Rio beat him in three minutes with the cross arm breaker. Nothing worth noting here.
Vickie Guerrero & Dolph Ziggler come out to hype the world title match this Friday. John Cena interrupts and starts making his usual corny jokes. He apologizes on Truth's behalf for referring to Milwaukee as Green Bay, Cena talks about the make-out session that he had with Vickie, and he panders to the crowd with a "Go Pack Go" chant.
This was beyond brutal. I get that they were trying to hype up the match on Friday, but all this did was bury the challenger. What they should've done is a "SmackDown Rebound" like the "RAW Rebound" segments that they do on SmackDown. Wouldn't it make more sense to promote the lesser watched show on the higher rated show? I should probably stop using logic.
CM Punk d. John Cena via DQ (*1/2)
The match went for about four minutes with Cena getting intentionally disqualified by hitting Punk with a low blow. That's a nice way to sell the importance of winning the match. The Nexus guys came out and Cena took out Otunga & McGillicutty with a chair. So this pretty much killed all of the momentum that the Nexus guys accumulated throughout the night by taking out the other Chamber participants. Would it really have killed WWE to have them take Cena out and actually make Punk look like a threat to win the Chamber? There I go again with my logic.
Three Stars of the Show
1. CM Punk - His promo was the only good thing on this show.
2. Alberto Del Rio - Once again, nothing good really happen so he gets the nod.
3. David Otunga - Haven't seen a grappler like him since The Great Khali.
Worst Moment of the Week
This is by far the hardest thing to decide but Jerry Lawler's promo gets the nod. It went on for too long and for some reason, he decided to talk about a poop in a promo that was supposed to build up a PPV main event.
Overall, the show gets a 3.5/10. A lot happened but nothing got accomplished. The matches were short, Lawler's promo dragged on for what seemed like hours, Cena's promo was brutal and he made sure to bury everyone, and David Otunga shouldn't be there in the first place. CM Punk's promo and backstage segment were fantastic but he can't be expected to carry the whole show.
Plug of the Night
"Smack Talk" will be posted late Friday/early Saturday and I will use a different format to see which one I like more. Make sure to tune in for the historic debut.
Question/Discussion of the Night
Who do you think the WrestleMania guest host will be? Will it be a former wrestler such as The Rock or Steve Austin? Will it be the latest Hall of Fame inductee, Shawn Michaels? Or will it be the predicted Justin Bieber? Let me know in the comment section. I will be right back here this Friday with "Smack Talk" but until then, I am out.