The NFL's Worst Teams: The Sad-Sack Seven

Dan BooneSenior Analyst ISeptember 18, 2008

Entire states have seemingly become boring, barren football wastelands. Some teams are so bad that one wonders if it was some bizarre experiment, a mad concentrated effort by the GM and coaching staff to achieve the worst possible team.

How else does one explain the state of the Rams?


1] The State of Missouri [0-4]

Plague and pestilence upon Missouri Pro Football fans, thy names are Scott Linehan and Herman Edwards. Combine the clubs and they'd still be horrible.

What's St Louis' Linehan in such a rage at the reporters about? They didn't pick these players, they didn't pay aging stars outrageous salaries, and they don't run the offense and defense. Blame the assistants. That's right, they're all new cause Linehan fired last year's staff in a desperate effort to salvage his job. The St Louis Rams should be swept clean...

The Kansas City Chiefs aren't much better. Herman Edwards has no QB. Herman has a poor offense and a weak defense. Herman's star, RB Larry Johnson, is angry. Herman has little else. Herman has stripped the Chiefs of talent just like he did the New York Jets.

Is there a bigger waste of talent and salary-cap dollars than a bad team having a premier veteran back? Why not trade Larry Johnson or Steven Jackson? They teams have no hope for the next few years. Why pay them all that money to get pissy and pounded every Sunday? Trade and save some dough.


2] The State of Ohio [0-4]

If Ohio State, which has more raw talent than the Cincinnati Bengals, is thrown in the mix Ohio might leap over Missouri.

The Cleveland Browns spent a lot of money and ran a lot of mouths to promote this season. Romeo Crennel has proven to be the master of the meaningless field goal. WR Braylon Edwards can't catch.

High-priced QB Derek Anderson can't throw. Coupled with 10 losses in a row to the hated Pittsburgh Steelers, who mock Cleveland as the usual overrated Clown Browns, makes for a bad Browns brew.

The Bungles are, of course, still the Bungles. A criminal ridden, second-rate organization with a group of overpaid, never sparkling stars and a bunch of guys who can't tackle, block, run, or catch a pass. Other then that, as John McKay would say, they are a helluva football team.


3] Minnesota Vikings [0-2]

If Gus Frerotte is the answer, yea Gawds what exactly was the silly question? Tarvaris Jackson was terrible, but for a Super Bowl-caliber team, Gus is Plan B? And Plan C and D?

Watching the Purple Boys settle meekly for FGs against the Colts, one could sense their Purple Collars tightening with the knowledge some how, some way they would be unable to put Indy away.

Will the Vikings race the Rams in a new California Gold Rush? This one wins the rights to Los Angeles.


4] Detroit Lions [0-2]

It's Jon Kitna time. Three INTS, two for TDs, in seven minutes, baby. Kitna Time. Sadly, the Lions' defense is its usual horrible self, unable to stop the run or the pass. And when was the last time the Lions could run the ball? How can a team pick so high in the draft for so long and never progress?

No worries, Cedric Benson is on his way. The Benson/Kitna offense will enthrall the Ford family so much the next new car outta Motor City will be called Bentina or the Kitson, it will turn over early and often but only get 2.2 yards a drive. 


5] The State of Florida [1-5]

The Miami Dolphins, despite catching the Tuna Parcells, have shown little, if any, improvement since last year's ugly campaign. But everyone expected them to be bad. The Jacksonville Jaguars were supposed to be contenders.

The offensive lines been hit by injuries and roadside shootings, but hey it's Florida, coaches should expect that. Jacksonville's Jack Del Rio likes to win the grinding, old-school way and adjusting to injuries doesn't seem to highlight his strengths.

0-3 post Indy, will be very ugly for the Jack Cats.

Oh yeah, I forgot Tampa but, if anything, the Griese Buc's are forgettable..


6] Seattle Seahawks [0-2]

Remember Sleepless in Seattle? How about Winless in Washington, co-staring the Washington Huskies and the Washington State Cougars.

Mike Holmgren can't wait for the season to end to check out East Coast jobs. The remnants of the sad Seahawks are aging and with little young talent lurking on the roster. Maybe Holmgren and his beloved Walrus mustache will wash up in the San Francisco Bay area.


7] The New York Jets [1-1]

Only a lucky pass from 0-2. Favre and all the merry free-agent men and they still can't beat the Brady-less New England Patriots? A week after his injury?

H-E-Y-J-E-T-S, if ye didn't beat Bill Belichick last week, it's going to be long time fore the Green Slime shines. Maybe the head man isn't so much a Magic Man but more of a Joltin' Joe Walton Man.