NASCAR's Dream Season: A Step-By-Step Guide on How to Fix Stock Car Racing

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NASCAR's Dream Season: A Step-By-Step Guide on How to Fix Stock Car Racing
Jason Smith/Getty Images
Brian France (left) and Mike Helton might consider the musings of their fans, before their fans cease to be fans.

We get it, NASCAR. You think we're dumb.

After all, why else would you tout a revolutionary change to your points system, when all you've done is help us remember how to count from first to 43rd! Silly goose, that NASCAR! How could we have possibly survived all these years without NASCAR being there to help us learn how to count!

The changes made to NASCAR's new points system will be the talk of the sports world! Never before has such an innovative and game-changing system been implemented in a major sports league, with the possible exception of the introduction of the Gatorade celebration bath. And to think, Bill France and the Powers That Be were so gracious as to enlighten us all on the wonders of simple mathematics! This new points system will truly be the spark that reignites the fan base, and propels the sport to unparalleled heights!



So, NASCAR's new points system is a lot like the old system, albeit "dumbed down" for the rednecks amongst us who have been too busy fixing stills and running moonshine to learn how to count. And while the complicated system of the past has been simplified, it's merely taken the sport's biggest problem—competitiveness— and magnified it to dizzying heights.

The new system is not going to tighten the competition at all; in fact, just the opposite will occur. Drivers will no longer be pushed to advance their position on the track, since one position up or down merely means the loss of a single point. The Chase for the Sprint Cup is still virtually the same, only with 12 drivers instead of the previous 10 or 11 that always seemed to make it in.

That a sport could be so painfully oblivious to its internal problems is mind-boggling to me at this time. The ineptitude and sheer ignorance it takes to try and fix your sport's problems by making said problems worse can only be experienced in the magical world of stock car racing. Now, by no means am I an "expert" in the field, but I do like to think of myself as someone who doesn't require instructions on how to count in 2011. Therefore, I'll leave the opinions of my aptitude up to you, the readers.

Here's my handy-dandy "How-To" Guide on fixing the National Association for Stock Car Auto Racing. While it's obvious that these changes won't occur, and that it would take several years to implement them even in an alternate universe where they could occur, I believe that these changes (however unlikely) could give the sport a serious boost.

Or, at the very least, it would make our suffering a little shorter.

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