Raiders Coach Kiffin to get Sacked - According to Al, Lane Not the Full Monte

Jimmy GrapponeCorrespondent ISeptember 14, 2008

Owner Al Davis rumored to offer Raiders' Head Coach position to Madden Football namesake, BOOM! John "Tough Actin' Ta'" Madden.  2007 NoCal Madden Tournament Champion and future Raiders Offensive Coordinator, Max Gaither, looks forward to using new speed burst-spin-stiff arm combination with rookie RB Darren McFadden

As ridiculous as that sounds, The Onion would be hard pressed to come up with a satirical Al Davis/Oakland Raiders scenario more insane than the reality that spans the past five years since the Silver & Black's Super Bowl run in 2003.  As long as the ancient and inept Darth Davis is alive and in charge of operations, the Raiders can't succeed.  They'd be better off with a certain guy with a home at "Skywalker Ranch" in San Rafael and offices in the Presidio running the franchise, and I'm really not sure if George Lucas even knows anything about football, but he certainly knows how to run and reenergize a billion-dollar franchise, making the Raiders gig look like a part-time side job.

I honestly feel sorry for Raiders players and I don't know why any good player would sign with them.  This is the team that made Randy Moss look like a bum - yes, THE all-time record setting, 23-TD's in a season Randy Moss.  Jerry Rice went there when he could no longer get open in Candlestick Park and his "Dances With The Stars" Fraternity Brother, Warren Sapp, seemingly had another Pro Bowl season or two left in his bowling ball frame had he stayed in Tampa or gone somewhere other than Oakland.  It doesn't get more telling than Sapp's recent comments about his former team on Showtime's version of "Inside the NFL":

 -- “As far as where the Raiders are going, they have unrealistic ideas about what their people can do."

 -- "That was the experience I had in the four years I was there. They asked people to do stuff they were physically impossible of doing."

 -- "They asked a guy who hadn’t coached for 12 years to coach,” he said of former offensive coordinator Tom Walsh.  “They’re going to suck.”

Sapp's obviously not the most tactful guy, but he he's a straight shooter and he speaks from experience.

As a longtime Broncos fan and Mike Shanahan supporter. I'll speak for the Denver faithful and say we'll happily take Lane Kiffin as a Shanahan assistant.  It sure beats the alternative of him going to the Chiefs.  The 33 year-old Kiffin has a long, bright future ahead of him, and as fellow Raiders rejects, the two won't suffer for lack of an ice-breaker.  Plus, I hear his dad knows a thing or two about coaching defense.