WWE's MC Report: Why the Creative Team is Naked

Maria CaneCorrespondent IIINovember 3, 2010

Vince McMahon and Hornswoggle
Vince McMahon and Hornswoggle

"Remember, when the emperor looks naked, the emperor is naked." - Daria

Daria (yes, the old school MTV show)  sums up perfectly what my general consensus is to those pretentious writers that call themselves the WWE "Creative Team." In addition, it's a quote that the writers and numerous fans themselves need to realize. To help better understand my thesis, I'll translate it in wrestling terminology:

If it looks like bad writing, it is bad writing

Beginning with this, the creative team too often introduces new storylines that won't expand on correctly and are just plain worthless. Classic exhibit case for this is the horrid McMahon/Hornswoggle saga. Yes, you all remember it.

Apparently out of the blue, McMahon had this secret love child. Guess all those rendezvous on Linda had finally caught up with him. Now, rumor has it that Mr. Kennedy was going to be this secret love child, given that his name is "Kennedy" and all.

Truth be told, I honestly don't think it would've been that much better anyways. Why would that have been needed in order to give him his big push? Him saying his name ten times in five minutes wasn't enough?

Anyways, for weeks this was built up. Finally on September 10, 2007, it would be revealed who Vince was the baby daddy of. The lawyer kept listing the characteristics to clear wrestlers out of the ring who thought they were potential contestants for being made from Vince's sperm. Only God knows why guys like Randy Orton were even standing in the ring in the first place.

"This individual loves to play games."

Oh boy, that left Triple H as the last person in the ring. But wait, he married Stephanie McMahon and even bragged about consummating the marriage. That obviously got "oos" and "ahhs" from the crowd.

Then the lawyer specified little games, and out came Hornswoggle hopping and skipping to no end.

Weeks after that witnessed Hornswoggle bugging the hell out of Vince and Coach. Idiotic segments with Hornswoggle playing around. One that stands out in my mind in particular was when Coach was about to sick the dogs out on Cena, only for a "Mr. McMahon" to announce that Cena gets to kick Coach's ass. The "Mr. McMahon" was Hornswoggle. Oh ha, funny.

Then, after all this, it was revealed that it was a mistake, and that Hornswoggle was actually Finlay's legitimate son.

Finally, I'm done telling that story. And if you don't think that was Dr. Seuss, it was narrated 1000x worse than how you are reading it here. Now I'll tell you say it's awful, and why it serves as the epitome of why I don't trust the WWE creative team.

Who honestly cares about a Vince McMahon love child? How does that serve any purpose to any type of wrestling in general? Hell what purpose does it serve in general?  So it's making fun of the Maury show and the baby daddy saga that plagues the MTV generation. The writers get their digs in at pop culture.

Wow, bravo guys.  I'm sure E! "The Soup" will appreciate that one. Not only that, but it has so many inconsistencies that makes your head spin even if you don't think about it too hard.

The problem I have with the creative is that they either are very uninspired, and the little inspiration they do to get they twist it into something predictable and idiotic. The few storylines that they have had that looked interesting either ended in an cop out or are scraped all together.

Recent examples of this includes the mysterious GM saga. The saga to many obtained numerous potential at first. Coming at the heels of Bret vs. McMahon and at the toes of Nexus.

Every week the expensive laptop would ping in give their authority mainly on the Nexus issue. But one week the GM would be for Nexus, next week against Nexus. Then the GM started sprouting sayings of famous superstars through the vintage voice of Michael Cole.

"If you don't like it, I got two words for ya."

"Know your role Cena."

"And that's the bottom line, because I said so."

However, it became more apparent that there was a reason for this. The reason for this is, there wasn't really a GM. The writers themselves don't know who the hell the GM is. I still don't think they know. And this storyline still continues to drag through the moans and groans of both the crowd and the IWC.

Lance Storm in one of his recent past blogs touched on one of the causes perfectly. That storylines now are being chosen over angles. Angles that are built heavily around the matches. Angles that are stories taken from the matches itself. Without these, no one truly has a reason to buy a PPV for the outcome. They don't have a reason to watch the wrestling, because it really has no meaning to the story.

What wrestling are you gonna build around a talking laptop? Oh I know, Edge busting his head with a MacBook and claiming that he's the one who's trying to fight stupidity. What an oxymoron.

Numerous defenders will point to the Vince vs. Austin saga as being a storyline,or at least the start of them. However, people forget that even that started from an angle. Austin was dealing with an injury and had to defend the Intercontinental championship.

He was dead set on competing at any costs, and Vince was the concerned owner who was genuinely worried about Austin's injury. But Austin thought otherwise, and wanted to bust his ass in the ring to keep what was his.

Vince vs. Austin proves another thing, that great storylines can even come from good angles.  Angles are miracles that you can build houses out of.

To be honest, I don't mind that the writers want to write storylines. Don't even mind that they want to take pages out of pop culture. But please, keep it in context. Build it up. Don't write yourselves into a hole from the start that you know you can't work your way out of.I already see this coming with the Nexus/Cena debacle, which is why the writers had to take a cop out ending in the main event of Bragging Rights.

Stop screwing yourselves over before you even begin.

Another issue I have is, great booking comes from great writing. Storm I believe was also aiming at this point. The problem with just writing straight Hollywood storylines is that it doesn't give the bookers anything to feed off of.

Ok great, Vince has a secret son. Awesome, the GM is a MacBook that doesn't contain adware. How is this gonna help the bookers vie for matches for PPVs? It doesn't help that the bookers only have two weeks between PPVs half the time to book a decent card.

Numerous of matches and sagas branched out of the Austin/McMahon angle. Austin battling the likes of guys such as Shawn Michael and The Rock in order to prove his supremacy to Vince McMahon. Vince siding with other foes in order to defeat the Texas Rattle Snake. Titles and pride being on the line.

The angles mattered because the wrestling mattered. Popular celebrities such as Mike Tyson even got their historical place in them. See, you can still have your pop culture cake and eat it too.

Good writing is what makes the world go round. WCW learned this the hard way. Without good writing, the bookers have nothing to feed off of. They did their best with what they could do with PPVs such as Hell in a Cell. If the writers are dead set on writing dead ended storylines that either aren't going anywhere or are going to hell, then the bookers have to fend for themselves.

It also is what keeps the midcard going. The Austin/Vince angle built up from where Austin was in the midcard, and it placed heavy spotlight and emphasis on the importance of the Intercontinental Title. If matches are not build up as importance, how are the lower guys gonna get anywhere when their wrestling doesn't count?  What exactly is on the line for them here? 

When storylines are only built in the midcard, they become easily discarded or cliche. No one tends to care about them because their end result won't matter anyways. It also devalues the midcard titles, so how can they move up when they have nothing to move up from?

Bottom line is, this "creative team" misses the "creative" in their title because of these issues. They also have missed my trust and should miss the trust of others. Instead of waiting in suspense for what the outcome will be, I just sigh and shake my head because I already know what's coming. And I tell others to do the same.

Comments, likes, retweets, anything appreciated! You can check out my other articles too!