Silliman's Sports-Themed Halloween Costume Picks: Aliosa Tops List

Thinking about going sporty to a Halloween party or trick-or-treating this year?

And you've come to Silliman for advice...again?

Thanks. Glad to help.

First off, forget the golf-ball-in-ear, broken-teeth, Tiger Woods costume. Sure, the incident happened last Thanksgiving and this is the first year for the costume...but it's OLD.

Even if you came as a couple with Elin carrying his broken 7-iron, it's still old news.

Silliman recommendations are just like the jokes from my stand-up routine: fresh, ripped-from-the-headlines fresh. People will remark about your costumes being so up to date, just like my jokes.

You believe me, right? Do you need land in Florida?

The Sexting Brett Favre costume

Yes, it's a popular sports costume. Graying your hair, wearing No. 4, carrying a cell-phone, but you don't need the dildo.

Frankly, I think that's a little tasteless.

It's like years ago when people were wearing Onterrio Smith costumes with his Whizzinator. It was unnecessary, holding onto your Whizzinator while trick-or-treating.

You didn't get a lot of candy that way.

Here's what to do on the Brett Favre. Have a partner dress as Woody Harrelson.

I know you're saying, "Wait a minute, Silliman. Woody Harrelson is not a sports figure." I mean the Woody Harrelson from White Men Can't Jump.

Then, when you show up, you'll be Brett Favre with a Woody.

See? Not as tasteless.

It'll be understood. You don't need the dildo.

Jerry Jones and Wade Phillips

Popular in Texas, going as a couple. But I have seen it as a single.

You go as Puzzled-Expression-What's-Going-on Wade Phillips, BUT with two rubber hands locked around your neck attached to arms attached to a head with a Jerry Jones mask. It's scary, but very current.

Spinning Calipari

Very expensive costume, but very popular in Louisville.

You wear a Calipari mask, but you're on a stationary bike, which is movable, but then you stop and spin. It is just as popular in Louisville as the Rick Pitino on a Restaurant Table costume is in Lexington.

Both costumes are sort of bulky, but make for chatty Halloween conversation. 

Jewish Amar'e

Very popular in New York City. New Jew Amar'e Stoudemire in his Knicks uniform with a yarmulke, Star of David on his chain, curly-cue forelocks.

It's too late to tell him he shouldn't have tattoos, so for costume purposes make a few in Hebrew. Rebounding Mensch in Hebrew might just add the right touch. 

Isis the Amazon, Aliosa the 6'9" lady rookie wrestler.

Very scary costume, but in a strong way for girls or women. I know you're saying, "Silliman, she's a rookie and we've never seen her wrestle all that much, and wasn't she fired from the WWE for posing in porn lesbian photos?"

Yes, Lindsay Hayward, all 6'9" and 240 pounds of her, is a little unknown to be a Halloween costume. 

But, I'm recommending her anyway. I'm putting her in a Silliman on Sports column, touting the virtues of being a giant diva who can whip your ass.

See the video of her lifting and tossing three medium-weight men. For her costume, you'll need stilts, an Isis uniform (similar to a Xena) and a long robe to cover the stilts.

Get a local sheet rocker to teach you how to walk on stilts.

Some ask why I am bothering to tout a costume of a fairly unknown sports star? Because I miss the circus and the freak shows.

Seeing a tattooed lady? Not a big deal anymore.

Just walk downtown.

But the WWE and the NXT provide us a replacement freak show, which is pretty much what Halloween is all about. Missing the circus is why we made this cartoon slide-show video.

It has a haunting Mike Hosty song. Check it out.

Happy Halloween.