10 Things To Look for When Favre and Moss Play the Packers (SATIRE)

Uden FranklinContributor IOctober 7, 2010

MINNEAPOLIS - SEPTEMBER 26:  Minnesota Vikings head coach Brad Childress looks on from the side line during the game against the Detroit Lions at Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome on September 26, 2010 in Minneapolis, Minnesota.  The Vikings defeated the Lions 24-10.  (Photo by Jeff Gross/Getty Images)
Jeff Gross/Getty Images

SATIRE— NFL fans are marking their calendar for Oct. 31 when Randy Moss and the Vikings head to New England to take on the Pats, but perhaps another game should be first on the radar. 

Green Bay vs. Minnesota on Oct. 24. 

Not only will this be a critical NFC North battle, but it will provide entertainment never seen in sports.  The NFL front office better take noticeright now, giddy Favre is probably having Dumb and Dumber-like fantasies of how he we will behave.  Moss understands that having the NFL’s Godfather, Favre, partner in the shenanigans, will give him leniency.

Everyone knows that Favre’s main motivation to play football forever is to “give it” to the Pack.  Many have forgotten that Moss also has no love for Green Bay. 

With that said, here are 10 things to look for when Favre and Moss play the Packers on Oct. 24.

10 - Favre will be listed as “questionable” on the injury report with a mild broken pinky toe.   It is the ultimate Hollywood story.  An injured or emotionally hurt man guts it out to take on the bad guys.  Favre has done this before because he is known as the NFL’s ultimate tough guy and has to live up to it.

9 – Favre will announce that Aaron Rodgers is the best quarterback in the NFL and should’ve replaced him a year earlier.  Ah, shucks Favrewhat a humble guy you are. 


In reality, Favre is just playing head games.  He may even write an article honoring Rodgers on the BleacherReport.

8 – Favre will act like Clay Matthews is his best friend during the Vikings first offensive series.  Favre is terrified of crazy linemen.  Robert Porcher, Warren Sapp, John Randle, the Pittsburgh Steelers, and the Baltimore Ravens spooked the daylights out of Favre.  Then Favre realized that if he befriended defensive linemen, they will take it easy on him.  This was evident when Favre slid down before Michael Strahan, allowing him to set the NFL single-season sack record in 2001.

Since then, Favre has been sending opposing D-linemen pre-game baskets of only the finest cut meats, inviting them to the farm, and slapping their helmets and rumps during the first series of every game. 

Just looking at Matthews in a helmet on TV gives me nightmares at night.  Will Favre be able to pacify him on Oct. 24?  I guarantee he will try.

760 Minutes will have a 15-minute segment reuniting Randy Moss and the parking attendant he hit when he first played for the Vikings.   Both Moss and the attendant will cry, hug, and invite each other to be friends on their Facebook site.   Moss will donate $20,000 to the National Parking Attendants Foundation.

6 – Down by 10 at the start of the second quarter, Favre will throw 30 consecutive times (and four touchdowns) to Moss, prompting Coach Chili to attempt to pull him for not sticking to the game plan.  Favre and Moss will then squirt water bottles at Chili just like Moss used to do to refs.


5 - During halftime, Favre's Wrangler's will announce a new line of jeans called Urban Wranglers.  Reminiscent of the Donnie and Marie Osmond Show in the '70s, during the commercial Favre will sing, “I’m a little bit country,” fishing in a shallow stream, and then Moss will sing, “I’m a little bit hip-hop R&B,” while walking down a dark city alley.

4 - Moss will go down on all fours after his fourth touchdown, and Favre will ride him like a tractor in the end zone.

3 - Favre will call a timeout with 30 seconds left in the game and the Vikings up by 50.  He will then throw a bomb to Moss for another score.

2 - With 20 seconds left in the game, Favre, Moss, and Chili will run over to the Packer’s side of the field and “fake moon” them.

1 - Led by Nick Barnett in street clothes due to season-ending hand surgery, the Packer‘s bench will clear after the “fake moon” incident.  Barnett will punch Moss’ helmet with his good hand, only to injure it.  Two mystery fans will jump on the field to lasso Favre and Coach Chili to the ground and wrestle them.  Authorities will later inform fans that it was Fran Tarkenton and some guy smoking a cigar with a thick mustache and turban.