I have always had a lot of admiration for managers' quick wits. Despite having written one article on this subject, I still felt that there were so many quotes that I didn't cover in "English Premier League: Famous Quotes."
So, yet again, I will feature the likes of Arsene Wenger, Jose Mourinho, and Kevin Keegan, and I will also try to bring in some other managers' quotes that would make some fans laugh and others, maybe, cringe!
Arsene Wenger: The witty French coach has always said things which are confusing, witty, and sometimes straight-forward. Here are some more of his quotes:
"I'm ready to take the blame for all the problems of English football if that is what he wants."
Wenger responding to Sir Alex Ferguson's comments about Arsenal and homegrown players.
"What the national coaches are doing is like taking the car from his garage without even asking permission. They will then use the car for 10 days and abandon it in a field without any petrol left in the tank. We then have to recover it, but it is broken down. Then a month later they will come to take your car again, and for good measure you're expected to be nice about it."
One of Le Boss' analogies where he compares injured players to...yes, broken cars!
"When you're dealing with someone who only has a pair of underpants on, if you take his underpants off, he has nothing left—he's naked. You're better off trying to find him a pair of trousers to complement him rather than change him."
Yet another analogy where he compares a football team's style to "a guy and his pair of underpants."
"It's like you wanting to marry Miss World and she doesn't want you, what can I do about it? I can try to help you, but if she does not want to marry you what can I do?"
Well, he can't stop, can he? When Jose Reyes didn't want to stay at Arsenal anymore, citing obvious reasons, such as the weather, Wenger had to have a pop at him. Keeping Reyes and marrying the Miss Universe? Boy oh boy, we do have a parallel here!
"Despite the global warming, England is still not warm enough for him."
A continuation on Jose Reyes' tastes and why he wanted to leave England. Clearly, the professor was not impressed by the Spaniard's excuses.
"When you give success to stupid people, it makes them more stupid sometimes and not more intelligent."
A straight-forward comment about a certain "Special One."
Jose Mourinho: Some liked him, some didn't, but nobody in English football could ignore the "Special One."
"The best team lost. After they scored, only one team played, the other one just defended for the whole game."
I'm sorry - the best team lost? Clearly Jose's got his words mixed up, didn't he?
"I am more than unhappy. Unhappy is a nice word."
On Thierry Henry's quick free-kick in the 2-2 draw at Highbury.
"Liverpool scored, if you can say that they scored, because maybe you should say the linesman scored."
The linesman scored? Well, Jose's clearly mixed up here!
"Maybe when I turn 60 and have been managing in the same league for 20 years and have the respect of everybody I will have the power to speak to people and make them tremble a little bit."
On Sir Alex Ferguson and his power to "make people tremble.. a bit."
"My wife is in Portugal with the dog. The dog is with my wife, so the city of London is safe, the big threat is away."
Jose on his much publicized dog.
Harry Redknapp: He is perhaps, one of the most respected coaches in England. That said, he's got a really good knack of making great comments in his news conferences and interviews. Here are some of them.
"By the look of him, he must have headed a lot of balls."
On Coventry City boss, Ian Dowie.
"I left a couple of my foreigners out last week and they started talking in foreign. I knew what they were saying: "Blah, blah, blah, le b****** manager, f****** useless b******!"
He clearly seems to know what players think of him...even if they don't speak his language!
"Samassi Abou don't speak English too good."
What makes you think that you do?!
"I got a fantastic reception from the crowd here at Upton Park—and why shouldn't I? Now I'm looking forward to getting one off the wife. Reception I mean. I'm too old for all that kind of stuff."
I believe you Harry!
"He can say exactly what he thinks of the job I've done. It's a million per cent not a problem for me."
I'm fast losing count...a million per cent?!
Kevin Keegan: The enigmatic Newcastle manager has always entertained us with his hilarious quotes over time. Whether he says such things on purpose or not, only he knows.
"Goalkeepers aren't born today until they're in their late twenties or thirties."
They must be a special breed.. those goalkeepers!
"The good news for Nigeria is that they're two-nil down very early in the game."
Always trying to find the positives is Keegan!
"The substitute is about to come on—he's a player who was left out of the starting line-up today."
That's why they call them substitutes, KK!
"Argentina won't be at Euro 2000 because they're from South America."
Do I really need to say something about this one?
"The Germans only have one player under 22, and he's 23."
He's giving Harry Redknapp a run for his money in mathematics!
"Nicolas Anelka left Arsenal for £23million and they built a training ground on him."
Well, that would be R.I.P. Nicolas Anelka then!
I think that this would be enough for now! I'm pretty sure that I'll bring out yet another "Famous Quotes" soon enough. There are plenty of managers out there who keep making some very funny quotes!
Hope all of you had a laugh!