Liver s Week 14 NFL Picks: Cowboys to Cover Against Lions

In the past, Dallas was a dangerous place to be when the Cowboys were losing.

Productivity suffered across the board, and, more significantly, bar fights increased.

Now it looks like it's Mavericks fans we need to worry about, as last night your humble narrator got into a dustup with some fat prick who couldn't deal with the fact that Josh Howard is NOT a superstar and Don Nelson CARES NOTHING about winning NBA championships.

I despise fat people for letting their bodies go—but I despise stupid people even more for letting their brains go.

Lesson for all you kids reading this (and I pray to God you’re not):

When a fat boy with a fat face swings from a sitting position with a beer in one hand, it’s usually not going to be difficult to (a) block the punch and (b) knock said fat boy off his seat.

Imagine a hippo stuck in quicksand—amusing but hopeless.

Luckily, I was at my usual bar and the fat boy got the boot. Unluckily, I celebrated my meager alpha-male victory by getting shitcanned and yakking in the bathroom.

Of course it goes without saying that the following picks AGAINST THE SPREAD are for RECREATIONAL USE ONLY. Only Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, Kiefer Sutherland, Bennett Salvatore, ALL college presidents and BCS conference commissioners, Roger Goodell, and Travis Henry's nine kids and nine mommas would be drunk enough to question the Esteemed Liver's picks.

Last week against the spread: 8-8

2007 record against the spread: 86-96-10

In the words of my favorite corrupt official, Captain Louis Renault, “I’m shocked, shocked to find that gambling is going on in here.”
 

Sunday, December 9, 2007
 
Carolina (+10 1⁄2) at Jacksonville

Kudos to Jacksonville for not using the refs as an excuse in their loss against the Colts—even though they could've made a good case.

The Jags are still in excellent position for one of the AFC Wild Card berths—and need to show it by pounding a bad Carolina Panthers team that just got its FIRST HOME WIN LAST WEEK.

Vinny Testaverde is listed as questionable with a 44-year-old head and body.

Pick: Carolina
 

Dallas at Detroit (+ 10 1⁄2)

At last—the Jon Kitna Bowl.

For those who don’t know or remember, a 2-13 Lions team came to Dallas in Week 17 of the 2006 season and embarrassed the Cowboys 39-31. Then JON F***ING KITNA went on a Seattle radio show and laughed about how easy it'd been to pick apart the Dallas defense—especially Roy Williams, Bradie James, and Terrence Newman.

In fairness, Kitna did have a point—but you DO NOT call guys out in public...especially when you PLAY THEM NEXT SEASON.

Kitna’s ignorance of standard etiquette will come back to haunt him this weekend. But I’m glad he said what he said—because at least it has the Dallas defense playing with a chip on its shoulder.

Normally a matchup with a fading team like the Lions would be a trap game, but the revenge factor—coupled with an injury to Detroit WR Roy Williams and the fact the Lions can’t rush for 29 yards most weeks—has the Cowboys smelling blood. 

10.5 points is an insane lay on a road favorite, but as Joel Goodson would say, “Sometimes you gotta say what the f**k. Make your move.”

Pick: Cowboys
 

Oakland (+10) at Green Bay

The Packers may have fallen to the Cowboys, but they can still secure the other NFC bye and set themselves up for a return to Texas Stadium on January 20th.

JaMarcus Russell finally stepped on an NFL field last weekend, and could see more action for the Raiders this Sunday. Brett Farve will start, but at least the Packers know that going to Aaron Rodgers in an emergency isn’t tantamount to conceding defeat.

Pick: Green Bay
 

San Diego at Tennessee (PK)

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