Brett Favre Has a Comeback Itch...a Return Rash...What Is It?

Pictured Above:  Brett Favre describes to reporters the location and symptoms of his latest pig-skin condition. (Photo courtesy of AP Morry Gash)

Bleacher Report’s own Casey Fenton broke the national story that, according to a Wisconsin dermatologist, Brett Favre’s comeback desire “started as an itch and now has slowly spread into a full-blown skin irritation.”

Casey also reported that, “It is unknown as to whether the rash developed from his love and passion for the game he has been playing since childhood, or an insect bite from his family farm.”

Here is Casey’s full report.

As an aspiring physician, I am not convinced as to the etiology of Favre’s skin condition. It could be viral or it could be bacterial—hell, some people think Favre is fun, and some think, for the Packers, he has become a fun-gus. 

So to clear things up, let’s break down the top-10 most likely causes of Favre’s itch, rash, irritation…whatever it is:

1) If Favre has a painless ulcer on his own green and yellow "helmeted warrior". It could be TREPONEMA PALLIDUM...otherwise known as SYPHILIS. Left untreated, this disease does cause widespread neurological problems and would be bad for a gentleman trying to throw coordinated end-zone strikes.

2) If Brett reveals that his solitary ulcer is painful...it could be HEMOPHILIS DUCREI...an easier to treat bacterial problem.

3) If Brett's rash is indeed genital, but consists of many ulcers, then we are looking viral—perhaps HERPES SIMPLEX 2—which appears to go away, but then reappears at inopportune moments...which matches the pattern of Brett’s offseason act over the last few years.

4) Brett's itch could be a result of the parasitic infection CHLAMYDIA TRACHOMATIS. Parasites are kind of like sports agents that live in your blood. This can lead to early arthritis and blindness—bad things for the heroic No. 4 and his comeback bid.

5) The Packers are treating Brett like an unwanted wart: He’s not something they really want to deal with, and they are hoping that he will eventually just go away on his own.  Genital and skin warts are all various forms of the virus HPV—HUMAN PAPILLOMA VIRUS. There is a vaccine now for HPV, but it's for the cervical form of the virus that afflicts ladies...sorry Brett.

The key thing about all the above causes is that not only do they itch and cause rashes...but they are all sexually transmitted diseases. My guess: Deanna Favre is NOT going to be happy about that little revelation.

Other options?

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