Sit Down Interview With Al Davis (Satire)

Josh BroudyCorrespondent IApril 25, 2010

The following is a fictional interview.

Josh Broudy : So, Al, what does it feel like to have a good draft finally?

Al Davis : Same as it feels every year.

JB : You really think you've drafted well the past 5 years?

AD : You wait, JaMarcus is gonna be a great player one day. So is Heyward-Bey.

JB : If JaMarcus is gonna be a great player, why did you trade for Jason Campbell?

AD : I didn't say this season. I didn't even say he'd be a great player for us at all. Don't put words in my mouth, and then make me brush my teeth with them.

JB : Sorry, Al. How would you rank LaMarr Houston?

AD : Wait, what? Isn't he from the University of Texas?

JB : No, I meant the defensive tackle you drafted.

AD : Ohhhh. He's an excellent player. He'll give some much needed versatility on the line. At least he doesn't have two first names like Tommy Kelly

JB : How about Edwin Veldheer from Hillsdale?

AD : What the hell is Hillsdale? Is that a golf course. I don't golf anymore, it'd take too long. 

JB : Were you surprised that Bruce Campbell fell to you in the 4th round?

AD : A player of his calliber, yes. I ranked him...

J B : Do you need a tissue, Al? You're drooling.

AD : Oh yes, thank you. And Campbell is a great player. He's gonna be a star in this league. As long as I'm alive, I will remain committed to him.

JB : (After a few seconds) Anyway, who was your best overall pick of the day?

AD : JaMarcus Russell.

JB : Umm, Al we're in 2010.

AD : Okay, then, how about Bruce Campbell and Jacoby Ford. I think they were the only picks I was awake for the whole draft. I do have a bedtime you know.

JB : Are you in favor of Mr. Irrelevant?

AD : There's a reason why they're irrelevant. They suck enough that 254 players are called before them. 

JB : How do you like the job Cable has been doing?

AD : Time-Warner has been doing some solid service for us. He's there on time. He's much simpler than 'Satellite' Kiffin. He's just your average Cable guy.

With that, our interview with Al Davis is over!