Davis Interviews Draft Prospects (Humor)
The Raiders draft history under the Al Davis era has gone terrible in many ways. This year for the first time ever, Davis has decided to personally interview the candidates for the NFL Draft. In previous years Davis thought it would be a more fiscally responsible decision to save the costs of flying to visit prospects and just not interviewing altogether instead because it was a "huge hassle". In fact he even gave me the priviledge of recording his first interview with his first candidate, even though he is keeping it a secret so nobody around the league gets any suspicious ideas.
Once I brought my camera into the building I said smile and right before I took the shot I heard Davis go on a tangent about "no cameras in the building", but it was too late, I already got the picture. Apparently they should be enforcing a "no drunks in the building" policy by the looks of the glass of scotch he had while I was there as you can see in the picture.
"So who are we interviewing today Mr. Davis" I said.
"We only have one candidate, I would interview more, but I have a date with my bottle of scotch tonight. I decided to interview a blocking sled." said Mr. Davis.
I burst out laughing. "Your joking right?" As I thought to myself how much liquor has this guy had already?
He stared me down and glared at me much like he did in my earlier picture. "That blocking sled your laughing at, I've seen a Bronco push it in a 40 yard dash on youtube, in under 3 seconds! Only if we can get that sled to translate its skills onto the field. I've also watched it practice too Mr. Butler, and it got the best of all my defensive linemen."
"First off Mr. Davis, it's a blocking sled. Second, thats a bronco pushing it around, they can't play football, and how do you know that video is real, anything can be put on youtube. Mr. Davis this is ridiculous."
"No, you are ridiculous Mr. Butler, they let zebras play why wouldn't they let a bronco push my blocking sled. Theres no denying a 3 second 40 yard dash, that's incredibly fast, I want him on my team. If you knew anything about football Mr. Butler, you would also know that we play the Broncos twice every year. Having a guy that fast against the Broncos, tells you that his skill set and speed will transfer over into the NFL"
"Those are human refs Mr. Davis, are you serious?"
"Mr. Butler, he's healthy, he doesn't cause off the field problems, he's fast, and he's cheap, what's not too like. He'll suit up for every game, thats more than some of our starters can say. He works them to death in practice, in fact if you look at our old blocking sleds, you can see them getting pushed to the ground."
"Mr. Davis, that is just part of the drill for the defensive ends your blocking sleds are doing fine."
"Much like every other team we are going through tough economic times, we need to sign a player that won't have a holdout. Nothing is cheaper than a blocking sled, his contract will save us tons of money, much like our earlier decision to not interview draft prospects (genius idea, I know). I also happen to like healthy guys, this blocking sled will show up to practice at a healthy weight, day in and day out, and thats more than JaMarcus Russell can say."
"Are you sure you want to do this? Some critics have argued that you have a bad track record when it comes to the NFL Draft and well...there has been some talk about getting someone else to draft players for your team Mr. Davis do you have any comment?"
"WHAT!?!? Who said that? No, no, no, this blocking sled is special, I saw it in DHB, Russell, Miller, Gallery, McFadden, you name them, this blocking sled will start for my team, and we will win games. His speed makes him versatile, and as you can see he matches up very well with the linemen. What are we paying DHB, a million dollars a catch? This sled, is faster, and cheaper, I love it and my fans will too. Mr. Butler say hello to the next fullback for the Oakland Raiders."
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