Wordplay: Fake Sports Headlines

Scott QuinnCorrespondent IJuly 15, 2008


Inspired by Greg Caggiano’s look at Hockey Books That Would Just Never Sell and real sports headlines involving humorous names (such as the many now infamous “Leafs Get The Finger” variations), I have come up with some funny fictional headlines.  Yes, all stories are fake, and I was pretty bored.


L.A. Sports: Angels, Devils Play Today 

Today in Los Angeles sports, the Angels will host the Royals at 1 p.m. Later on, the Kings will visit the Devils in New Jersey.

Predators Acquire Foote, Finger 

The Nashville Predators announced today the acquisitions of Adam Foote and Jeff Finger from Colorado in exchange for Martin Erat. “The original asking price for Erat was an arm and a leg,” said Avalanche GM Francois Giguere.  “Luckily, I was able to negotiate down to Finger and Foote.”


Former Knicks GM Extremely Close to Getting Head

Reports surfaced today stating that former New York Knicks GM Isiah Thomas attempted to get Luther Head from the Houston Rockets multiple times over the last three years but just wasn't able to close the deal. He was especially close to receiving head last season but was then hit with the backlash of a sexual harassment lawsuit by a former Knicks’ employee. "The timing of the lawsuit was extremely damaging to sealing the deal that evening," Thomas admitted.


Jazz Players ‘at home’ in New Orleans

The Utah Jazz spent the past couple days exploring the city of New Orleans prior to tomorrow’s game against the Hornets. Jazz player Carlos Boozer told the media he feels “right at home” in the many bars, restaurants, and other attractions New Orleans has to offer.


Satan Goes Down in Flames Loss

The Penguins iced the Flames 4-0 in last night’s match. One loss for the Penguins was that of Miroslav Satan who went down in the Flames zone after taking a big hit. However, Satan maintained that he will be back in less than a week, setting Saturday’s game versus the Devils as the expected date of his return.


Moon heads to Suns

Toronto Raptors forward Jamario Moon is headed to the Suns in the NBA offseason’s latest trade. The Moon to Suns move came as a shock to many. Especially since the Rockets were rumored to have had their sights locked on Moon for weeks now. “We will now aim towards a new target,” a spokesperson from the Rockets said Tuesday after Moon was taken off their radar.


Feel free to add some of your own funny headlines (real or fake) in the comments section.