UFC 112: Boneheaded Predictions (humor)

UFC 112: Invincible is upon us. If you’re on the West Coast (of the USA, not the UAE), just roll out of bed at 10:00 AM, because it comes to you live from sunny Abu Dhabi in the United Arab Emirates. 

In addition to picking the winner of each fight, I am also currently spreading rumors about how the cage will made of gold, 389 Gracies will be in the audience, and the opening act will involve quite a few wild camels.

On a less than serious note, I am concerned about the backlash that may stem from having two shirtless men stand and bang with one another inside the cage, as this may violate some sort of country-wide decency policies. I guess we’ll find out. Onto the picks.

BJ Penn Vs. Frankie Edger: I feel bad for Frankie Edgar. "He’s so little!" is what Jon Favreau would say if he hadn’t already said it about Sean Astin in the movie Rudy .

He does deserve a shot at the belt, but this match isn’t going to be fair. Now, if BJ were to have to fight on his knees, and not be able to strike or use submissions, then we'd have a possible Fight of the Night nomination. 

BJ will probably play nice, as it’s not polite to pick on those smaller than you, so the fight goes into the third round.

Prediction: Penn, Round Three submission (RNC)

 
Anderson Silva Vs. Demian Maia: Whoever thought it was a good idea to pit one dude who can’t strike against a champion who can’t miss is beyond me. Oh wait, there’s no one else in the middleweight division, so Joe Silva had to pick someone. 

Silva is not going to lose this fight. In fact, he will KO Maia in a matter of seconds. 
Maia will, however, be called upon after the match to assist in rounding up (via triangle) the camels from the opening act after a couple get loose.

Prediction: Silva, Round One KO (Punches)

Matt Hughes Vs. Renzo Gracie: Well, at least it’s not a Royce/Hughes rematch. I had to break out my VCR to watch tapes of Renzo for this prediction. I’m kidding, of course. I wouldn’t insult my TV by doing that. 

The point is to show how dated this fight is. The two combatants are a combined 80 years old, and after watching Coleman Vs. Couture, I have no need for another nostalgic super-fight that’s 10 years past its expiration date.
 
It seems like it was ages ago that Hughes last fought, since we’re talking about back in the day. And I’d like to note that his decline started in 2006. It’s 2010 now (attn reader: stop writing checks that say 2009). Still, he will win this fight—mostly because the Gracies are a bunch of cry babies, who, from now until forever, need their comeuppance.
 
Prediction: Hughes, Unanimous Decision


MAIN CARD (Predicted winner in bold )
•    Rafael dos Anjos vs. Terry Etim
•    Kendall Grove vs. Mark Munoz

PRELIMINARY CARD
•    Phil Davis vs. Alexander Gustafsson
•    John Gunderson vs. Paul Taylor
•    Nick Osipczak vs. Rick Story
•    Brad Blackburn vs. DaMarques Johnson
•    Paul Kelly vs. Matt Veach
•    Mostapha Al Turk vs. Jon Madsen