Humor: Mets Announce New Bullpen Location For 2011

Randy MedinaCorrespondent IApril 9, 2010

Jerry Manuel likes to change pitchers.  Scratch that.  Jerry Manuel REALLY likes to change pitchers.  With that in mind the Mets knew something had to be done to combat the boredom of the pitching change.

"What we have seen is a considerable drop in television ratings every time Jerry comes out of that dugout.", said a Mets executive who did not wish to be named.  He went on to say, "Fans are flipping the channel when he comes out and they are not coming back.  I think the plan we have proposed here will help greatly."

The plan he is speaking of will involve the Mets building an underground cavern under the playing surface.  This cavern will be located directly under the pitching mound and will house the Mets bullpen. 

The mound itself will now be placed on a hydraulic lift that will be able to drop down so that pitching changes can be done quickly.  The pitcher getting the hook doesn't even need to leave the mound as he can opt to just ride the mound back into the bullpen.  The incoming pitcher hops on the mound and is lifted into position.

Mets relievers are happy with the plan.  One anonymous pitcher said, "That's great.  Jerry doesn't leave me in long enough to get tired from pitching, but the walking on and off the field can be a real grind on some nights.

The move seems to have the approval of the grounds crew as well. 

"We've been dealing with a worn out stretch of turf between the current bullpen and the mound.", said one grounds crew member.  "We try to keep up but he just uses so many pitchers we simply cannot keep up."

As for Manuel himself, one can only speculate that this move will get him closer to his dream of using three relievers to retire one batter.

Only time will tell if the plan turns out to be a hit or not.  If not, I suppose they could always go back to the golf carts with the oversized hats.



If you've read this far I assume you have already realized this is all a work of fiction.  If not, you're welcome.