Dear Albert Haynesworth: You Sicken Me. Sincerely, Joe Martinez

Dear Albert Haynesworth:

I am a longtime NFL football fan.

One of the first things I can remember from my early childhood is watching the Buffalo Bills in their glory years.  I remember Jim Kelly, Thurman Thomas, Andre Reed, "House" Ballard, Cornelius Bennett, Darryl Talley, and all of those guys who led the team to four consecutive Super Bowl appearances.

What I was unaware of was the business aspect of it.  I was only seven years old when the Bills made it to their first Super Bowl.

I missed out on Talley's training camp holdout a year later and the implications involved.

Call it a product of the times.  The prevalence of the Internet, NFL Network, and reporters like Adam Schefter are now at our disposal, giving us the inside scoop on everything from locker room brawls, to where a 38-year-old quarterback is working out to stay in shape.

Given this age of technology and media, the game of football has become less of a game and more of a business.

Here is what I have to say:  YOU, Mr. Haynesworth, are ruining professional football.

When I look at you, I see someone who is absolutely everything that is wrong with professional sports and who corrupts everyone's beliefs that pro athletes are prima donnas who are only in it for every dime that is not nailed down.

You had an incident on October 1, 2006 where you maliciously ripped the helmet off of an opponent and stomped his face.  Twice.  After you missed the first time.

Forget that it was a game and that it was the heat of the moment.  You premeditated assault on another human being who was lying defenseless on the ground.  It is one thing to strike someone who is standing in your face talking smack.  That day, you showed the world how awful of a person you were.

Oh, and then you were ejected from the game, not for driving your cleats into the front of another person's skull, but for throwing your helmet and screaming, "That's bullsh*t!"  So, you did not agree with the call?  A helmet-less person obviously deserves to be kicked.  It's like there being a wall in a back alley, of course if it's there, you're supposed to spray paint it.

You asked people to forgive you.  To leave it behind.  You even mentioned your son in your apology, saying that you would one day have to explain what prompted you to act this way when your child asks.

Maybe you really were sorry.  We will give you another chance.

After coming back from this event and having outstanding performances during the rest of your tenure in Tennessee, you publicly declared you were looking for a contract of about $100 million.

You know, most players would just simply say, "No comment," when it comes to the contract they are looking for in free agency, especially if it is one as drastic as you were looking for.

So you went to the one place that they would give a man like you that kind of money:  Washington.  Dan Snyder is always willing to pay top dollar to whoever he thinks can bring a Lombardi trophy to his club.  Yes, I know you said Tampa offered you more money, but it was the guaranteed money and the media outlets that brought you to Washington.

So Jim Zorn is out as head coach now and you get the privilege to play under Mike Shanahan, a future Hall of Fame coach.  What is more, he is changing the defense, something you advocated for in December when you said you could not "survive another season in this system if it stays the way it is." How can life get any better?

Well, apparently for you, it can.  You are upset that the team is switching to a 3-4 defense whereby you would be moved to nose tackle.  You said that you did not feel like you should be absorbing multiple blockers.

Let me remind you of something:  You signed a $100 million contract for seven years.  $41 million of it is guaranteed.  Dr. Evil would be salivating at this.  You should not only be willing to play nose tackle, but you should also be a groundskeeper for the stadium and the head vendor.  The fact that you are receiving this much money and are throwing a tantrum about getting what you asked for is an insult to every football fan out there.

Why is it an insult?

Here is a list of things I am NOT willing to do for $100 million dollars.

1.  Impale myself on Poseidon's pitchfork.

2.  Headbutt a windshield repeatedly until the apocalypse.

3.  Place the barrel of an M-16 against my chest and squeeze the trigger until the magazine runs out.

4.  Very few other things.

I did not have the opportunity that you have.  I got very little scouting coming out of high school due to my small size.  Instead, I worked to pay for my college education, something that is still not completed.  You, however, went to a big time college in the SEC, got drafted in the first round of the NFL Draft, then signed a nine figure deal when the opportunity surfaced.

If you really want to bark at the notion of playing nose tackle, I offer you the opportunity to switch jobs with me.  Go ahead and work 90 hours a week during the month of May.  I will GLADLY throw on shoulder pads, put on as much weight as I can in the meantime, and absorb two blockers for the rest of your contract.  Let's see how much you like bringing home about a grand a week for your 90 hour endeavors.

Tell your new coach I greatly admire him for not putting up with your crap and shopping you around.  It takes a big set of brass ones to decide that one player who is getting as much money as you are getting is not deserving it and looking to trade you, especially if he has only been head coach for a few months.

So do the rest of the country a favor.  Think before you say anything or act.  Because you have no idea of how petty it makes you sound.

Sincerely,

Joe Martinez.

P.S.  I'm not joking about switching jobs if you want.  Really, call me.