What Makes a Good Tailgate?

Much has been written about party schools and game day activities, but not much is written about what that means. Well, I've been to several venues, but no one does it better than Alabama. They may do it as well, but they don't do it better.

What makes a good game day tailgate?  "Here's what I got to say about that"...

Moneybags

A tailgate is not an inexpensive venture. It takes a moderately sized head of cabbage to make it work, week in and week out, for a season of home games.

Money is needed to supply the fixin's for the individual treats laid out on the tables. The food doesn't suddenly appear, as some (the non-contributors) seem to think.

In an open tailgate, a large herd will come on any given Saturday to graze on your tables. Most of the time, there is no invasion from aliens of unknown origin; it is an invasion from within.

Amazingly, cousins and relatives twice removed will know you have tickets and will find your tailgate on opening day.

And there is nothing wrong with that, by the way, it's just good ole southern hospitality to greet them with a kiss or a firm handshake.

Because you are on a college campus, in general three or four of the patrons will be college students who haven't had a good meal in several days.

It's your duty to invite them into the party. At our particular venue, several of the parents involved have children enrolled at the university and they have an open invitation to bring their friends.

A Canopy

You absolutely cannot have an effective tailgate without overhead cover. At some point early in the season, it will be too dang hot otherwise.

Hats just won't cut it; you need cover not just for your body, but for the food, ice, and drinks that need protection from the searing heat delivered from the central star in our solar system. Without cover, you are literally toast.

And then there is rain. With a canopy, it's all good. You can definitely tailgate in the rain. Some of the best tailgates occur in the rain because it forces the crowd into a tighter space for a short while.

The quick showers on a hot day ("when the devil is beating his wife") are a welcomed change in the weather. If there is a real downpour, it will get downright messy.

You get to visit with some folks that you may not get to talk with otherwise. Afterward, for the rest of the season you will be more familiar with your flock.

If you know beforehand that it will rain, depending on your venue you might be able to get hay or pine straw and lay it over the bare places on the ground so it doesn't get so muddy. I am not sure why, but at Alabama they no longer let tailgater's use hay.

Power Supply and Extension Cords

A power supply is essential for an effective tailgate. Tailgates begin at least four hours before the game and will last at least three hours or more after the main event.

You have got to have power for the flat screens that provide the 360-degree view of what is going on during football Saturday around the country.

ESPN College Gameday has become a staple for the football viewer. Moreover, if you have a late afternoon or evening game to attend at your school, you have to know what's going on during the day in order to have an informed conversation with your fellow tailgaters.

Power is also necessary for the makeshift ceiling fans, stand-up fans, fryers, and crock pots that will be used to make folks comfortable and keep the food warm. What did people do before power from electricity?

The ladies have lights strung up on the canopy to make the abode more festive. Christmas lights will do just fine. Red and white lights, and lights made in the shapes of tiny elephants brighten the Quad during night games.

You can never have too many extension cords. As soon as you don't have an extra, you are going to need one. Now, with multi-port surge protectors and extensions, power can be supplied to nearly anywhere on the college campus.

Thankfully, at Alabama, the university thought this one out well in advance and outlets dot the landscape of the Quad at strategic places, allowing nearly limitless plugins.

I am sure Alabama Power runs an extra check on Friday night to be sure venues around the state will have ample supply of hydroelectric and nuclear power come Saturday morning.

They would borrow from neighboring states if needed in order to prevent a riot on football Saturday. It's that essential.

Tailgate Organizers

Tailgates are not just organized by moms and girlfriends. The men have their roles, too. The young adults and students hop to it on Friday night, staking claim to the turf that will become the foundation for the season.

Generally, once you get a stake in the ground, that place is yours for the season, provided you show up each Friday.

But it can get testy, which is why you send the young. Just like war, the young are more willing and ready to protect the turf.

And in fact, they are more expendable. It's generally the older group who has the money to bankroll the event so the younger guys get to buy in with their gusto and grit!

Friday night fights are not encouraged. There are campus police within earshot. You don't want to be arrested the night before the big game—not cool.

But at times you have to stand up to a bully and let him know that he has been measured and weighed. He cannot and will not move in on your turf.

On Saturday morning, as many men as possible show up for the raising of the canopy. The smaller canopies are not that difficult, as manufacturers have become buyer-conscious. Many go up like pup tents or umbrellas and you are done in a snap.

But those of us with wives who take tailgating as a major social event (and in all fairness, it is) you likely have received an unexpected Christmas gift that turned out to be a jumbo-sized canopy that comes with fold-out instructions.

Thanks to Wal-Mart, they are relatively inexpensive (between $150-$300) but with lower cost comes more assembly.

If you have been lucky enough to receive such a gift, you have probably learned to number and label the poles and struts to make the second, third, and fourth times of "re-construction" much easier.

There are times that you may get confused between setting up a tailgate and working selflessly for Habitat for Humanity!

And for crying out loud, don't forget the tables and chairs. Without tables to put the grub on, you may as well not set up at all. Canvas folding chairs are a necessity. Metal chairs are too bulky and heavy. They get too hot in the daytime heat of the sun and wear out your hind quarters if you sit on them for an entire day.

Moms Who Like to Prepare Casseroles and Salads

Cole slaw, potato salad, three-layer and five-layer dips, homemade salsa and sauces, corn and shrimp chowders, gumbo, peeled shrimps, Brunswick stew, chili, fruit salad, breads, chips, and other staples for the buffet are prepared (or purchased at Bruno's) well before game time.

Community bakeries and grocers in Birmingham and Tuscaloosa will have cookies in the shapes of footballs and Big Al ready for consumption every weekend.

Red, white, houndstooth, and black table cloths will cover the tables and provide an under-layer of decoration. You can usually find these at the grocer, as well.

You might have a fellow or two who like to help with the "fixin's" but generally it's the passion of the women who attend the tailgate to get these essentials prepared or bought and packed up the night before.

We are lucky enough to have mature ladies in our group who know what to bring and how much will be needed for any given Saturday.

Our ladies have been at it long enough to know which games will need a little extra supply of this or that and they have it prepared just right for the special day.

They are knowledgeable enough about the season schedule to have special items for each particular opponent.

Boxes of plastic forks, spoons, and knives are essential.

Fans and Patrons Dedicated to the Game

There is nothing more unsatisfying on game day than to see a tailgate without people under or around a canopy. In some cases, it may be due to an unexpected death in the family. But even in that case, there will likely be someone or some relative twice or thrice removed that will show up for the Alabama game, tickets or not.

If there is no one there, they were likely arrested the night before and were responsible for the vittles. Otherwise, I can't imaging why the canopy would be empty. What will likely happen is the party next door will use the canopy and open up the space to spread their crowd out even further.

Great fans make great tailgates. A lot of Alabama history is reviewed each and every fall Saturday. Great games of the past are re-told to the younger generations to be passed on year after year.

A Man Who Likes to Grill Meat

You have to have a grill, and a gentleman who attends the barbie come hell or high water. Our guy is Jamey Cather. He is dedicated, present, and accounted for every home game. He rarely has a ticket and doesn't give a damn. He is happy as a clam and prefers the smoke, heat, and smell of roasted meats to the roar of the crowd.

He has never missed a game because it is always on the flat screen that is placed strategically within his view. Jamey packs a hell of a cooler, stocked with homemade hamburger patties, brats, hot dogs, and chicken. Occasionally, special treats like lamb and ribs make it to the tailgate.

At times, we try to help him out by purchasing ribs from Dreamland, chicken from Popeye's, Chick-Fil-A, or Guthrie's as filler before the grill gets hot enough to cook. One of our Mississippi Bama fans (Betty Burke) once brought tamales from the original Doe's Eat Place.

Jamey is old school. He used charcoal and lighter fluid for years until we finally made him quit. He now use the pre-soaked briquets. The fire gets going a lot quicker and the first few pieces of meat taste like they should coming off the grill.

College Students and Old Folk Alumni

You can't have a proper tailgate on a college campus without having genuine college students currently enrolled at the Capstone. And it's a great place to meet up with your old college buddies who come to town maybe once a year to attend a game.

Because the Quad is so crowded, it often takes them at least an hour to wander around and finally find our abode. But it is sure good to see them when they arrive.

A Cozy Place Near the Stadium

The Quad at Alabama is conveniently located at the center of campus and only a two block walk to the Stadium. Front and center on the Quad is Denny Chimes, a landmark on the campus since 1929.

The Monument clock was erected in honor of President George Denny whose leadership brought the Capstone to national prominence.

Around the base of the bell tower is the names of the Alabama football captains dating back to 1940, it is so named the "Captains Walk of Fame."

Every year the hands and foot impressions are ceremoniously imprinted for posterity. The captains are selected by the team at the end of each season.

Booze and Mixers

In most cases I'd worry what was going to be said on Sunday about what I write during the week, but even the preacher knows you can't have a good tailgate without the proper liquids to consume. You certainly don't need to overdo it, but nonetheless you have to provide spirits to elevate the mood.

As John Calvin said, "enough to raise the spirit to mild hilarity and then slow down the rate of consumption." Nothing wrong with sharing an ice-cold drink with good friends.

In the years that I have attended tailgates on the Quad, I have yet to see anyone in our party laid out for the count.

Coolers With Ice and Very Cold Beer

In central Alabama on a late summer or early fall Saturday afternoon, you are going to need ice and plenty of it to keep yourself comfortable. Nothing is more refreshing than an ice-cold beer on a hot Saturday afternoon.

After the game, a cold one will certainly ease the scratch or pain in the throat incurred from all the singing and shouting of the fight song and Roll Tides that are belted out throughout game time. And I have to mention the Sweet Home Alabama's.

It's one last moment to decompress and enjoy a little more to eat while the major part of the crowd dissipates.

Packing Up and Getting Ready To Do It Again

I can't begin to tell you about this one, thank God. Since we travel from Arkansas to attend the Alabama home games, I've been relieved of this duty.

I'm sure I have left out one, two, or possibly even three things that your crowd might do in order to have things under control before game time. If you think of them, leave a comment.