FROM THE OTHER 31: Memo To Al

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FROM THE OTHER 31: Memo To Al
Jed Jacobsohn/Getty Images

MEMO

 

TO: AL DAVIS esq.

FROM: THE OTHER 31

REF: JAMARCUS RUSSELL

 

Dear Mr. Davis,

 

I would like to touch upon a few points with you, that I am sure other fans from around the NFL have on their minds.

Firstly, let me congratulate you upon your current and continued success in the NFL.

As a longtime fan of the game, whenever my team played against the Raiders 'back in the day', so to speak, I was quite aprehensive whenever we met up with the likes of Ken Stabler, Marcus Allen, Art Shell, Gene Upshaw, Hayes and Haynes, Lyle Alzado, Dave Casper, Howie Long, Blanda, Bilentnikoff, Brown and too many others to mention.

I see a continued trend and am equally fearfull of your current team, led by your young outstanding QB Jamarcus Russell. He is such a talent and has quite the cannon of an arm (can he really throw 60 yards from his knees? WOW!) and I am a little puzzled by what is going on...which brings me to my second point:

Why haven't you resigned Jamarcus to a contract extension, yet? Surely he is worth at least as much as the $15 million a year that other 'top' QB's in the league receive.

These 'bumps' that he is currently experiencing are totally externally motivated - and are most certainly caused by others' failings, as I am sure you have already realized. In fact there are many supporters here at the Bleacher Report who feel as you do; the problem lies elsewhere and NOT with Jamarcus.

Thirdly:

Why should you spend any extra funds on superfluous items such as backup QB's? Roll them into Jamarcus' contract or AT THE VERY LEAST, go out and obtain quality offensive linemen who will give him the protection to hold onto the ball for AT LEAST 5-7 seconds so he can make the right play.

Get some proper WR's and RB's who can pick up the blitz. After all, he cannot be expected to do everything, can he?

A coach who really wants him to suceed and will listen to YOU, without question or backtalk, would also be a benefit.

Fourthly,

Could you please address the OBVIOUS inequities at the next owners meeting about the calls that the on field officials make that, without a doubt, favor the other team. This has to stop. All the other QB's in the league get preferential treatment, but Jamarcus.

Fifthly;

Please let the team know about Jamarcus' thyroid problem and that he regularly retains water throughout the month. He is also big boned, NOT FAT, and is - in fact, as fit as a fiddle. You should also warn (to a man) that ANY teammate who speak ill of Jamarcus will be cut IMMEDIATELY, no questions asked. Only Jamarcus can throw others under the bus...after all - he is the franchise.

Concerning his contract:

I am going to shortly invest in diamond mining companies and precious medals commodities - could you please guarantee ALL of Jamarcus' monies and pay him UP FRONT. After all, this is an uncapped year and you should really take advantage of the opportunity...

Finally;

Now that he has reported to camp I think we can cut the wonder-kid some slack and send him to Vegas for a few days, while his teammates catch up. I hear that the buffet at the Bellagio is to die for.

Looking forward to seeing your team on the field, I remain,

Your's truly,

The other 31 (and soon to make a 20% ROI)

P.S. If you could occasionally make a visit to the Bleacher Report and keep in touch with some of the faithful (KE, RB, EE, ET et al. you know who you are) I am sure they would be tickled pink!

 

 

 

 

(this one was too good to let go of)

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