Before I start to explain the exact rule change that Roger Goodell decided to make, I would like to announce that for my NFL Mock Draft series, I will only be doing the top half of the first round.
With the Draft getting closer and closer, I am also nearing the end of my first semester in college and projects, tests and finals are starting to pile up, it's a lot of work and my writing may become scarce until May 6th.
As for the groundbreaking new rule that Roger Goodell has made, he will be adopting a new format in the NFL Draft. Rather than let the teams go by which had the worst record, they will be doing a completely random format.
Also, as a way to level the playing field with the new draft format, they will give every team one pick in each round, completely eliminating any trade that had traded for extra pick, and pissing off a lot of teams (such as Seattle, Denver, New England, etc.) and making others really happy (Chicago Bears).
This format will be the exact same as the format used in fantasy drafts that you can choose to do in the Madden NFL game's franchise mode.
Luckily for all of you, I have inside sources with the higher-ups in the NFL offices, and they tell me that they have already selected which team will pick where, and it may not have been as random as they say.
They have given me a draft order by team, leaving me the only person who can give a real mock draft (I feel like this isn't the first time this happened).
Without further ado, here is the first mock draft that has the new order. Let the horrible, horrible jokes begin.
1. New Orleans Saints- Trindon Holliday
The Saints have been on holiday ever since they won the Super Bowl, and they want to continue that success through the regular season. They get this pick because they are a feel good team and the NFL doesn't want the story to fall.
2. Chicago Bears- Arrelious Benn
The Bears want a home team talent, and even though Benn shouldn't be in the top two, they want a receiver because they don't exactly know how to fix their problems in the first round.
3. New England Patriots- Tim Tebow
The Pats just haven't been the same since they went 16-0. They have lost that intensity, and that is just what Tim Tebow brings to the table. In an effort to bend the rules, Bill Belicheck decides to try to trade Tom Brady and get another first round pick, which is illegal under the new system. They lose this pick and Tim Tebow is banished from the NFL to keep things fair.
4. Indianapolis Colts- Mike Iupati
The Colts make a pick of a guy who seemingly will do a good job, but the odd part about this pick is that they didn't do any scouting. The Colts are a very finnesse team and they want to get more physical. To do that, they took the biggest offensive lineman in the draft, and at 331 lbs, that's Iupati.
5. Oakland Raiders- Jacoby Ford
Remember last season when the Raiders took Darrius Heyward-Bey before Michael Crabtree because he had the quickest 40-yard dash, well they are going to do the same thing this season, because Ford ran the quickest 40-yard dash with a 4.28 time.
*To speed things up, the rest of the teams will have only a short description.
6. Minnesota Vikings- Chris Carter- Chris Carter was a great wide receiver for the Vikings, but this wide receiver is one of just two players in the draft from the Great West Conference.
7. Dallas Cowboys- Tim Tebow- Jerry Jones tries to get Tebow reinstated, doesn't work, the pick is a waste.
8. Atlanta Falcons- Crezdon Butler- Dunta and Crezdon will the ball hawks for the Falcons. No team will ever use first names for their secondary...ever.
9. Houston Texans- Colt McCoy- After not taking the home town talent far too early a few seasons ago, they take the home town talent far too early this year.
10. Cincinnati Bengals- Nyan Boateng- The Bengals disappointed when they didn't sign Terrell Owens, but they were just planning on taking this troubled wide receiver for much cheaper.
11. Washington Redskins- Riley Skinner- The Redskins really don't want Jason Campbell to start, but this quarterback will result in Mike Shannahan yelling "SKKKINNNEEERRR." (Simpsons anybody?)
12. Miami Dolphins- Jarrett Brown- The Dolphins liked their pick of Pat White so much, they draft another fast West Virginia QB.
13. San Fransisco 49ers- Kyle Jolly- After Michael Crabtree was such a "crab" last season, they hope Jolly will sign right away. Plus, at 311 lbs, he will make a great Santa at the Christmas party. (Too many jokes about his last name?)
14. Arizona Cardinals- Sam Bradford- Last time I did this, I gave the Cardinals a guy who was expected to be a top five pick, I'm doing the same this time and I'm not even a Cardinals fan.
15. Seattle Seahawks- Taylor Mays- He reunites with Pete Carroll, absolutely no other reason for this pick.
16. Tampa Bay Buccaneers- Akwasi Owusu-Ansah- The Bucs want Aqib Talib and Owusu-Ansah to have a crazier name-combo of corners than the Falcons.
17. St. Louis Rams- Barry Church- The Rams are looking to religion to get better this season, after a horrible 1-15 season last year.
18. Green Bay Packers- Nolan Carroll- Because I don't like the Packers, I went to corner, closed my eyes, and clicked on a player. After landing on Owusu-Ansah once, I landed on Carroll.
19. Cleveland Browns- Levi Brown- The Browns need a QB and Brown's last name is the same name as the team. Match made in heaven? I think so.
20. New York Jets- Michael Hoomanawanui- [insert childish joke about last name here]
21. Tennessee Titans- Toby Gerhart- They will have the top rushers from last season in the NFL and NCAA.
22. Carolina Panthers- Geno Atkins- Pepper is unhealthy, so they go on the Atkins diet.
23. Buffalo Bills- Dan LeFevour- LeFevour is used to playing in a cold stadium for a team that doesn't matter.
24. Denver Broncos- Greg Hardy- Josh McDaniels is the youngest coach in the NFL, but makes a big mistake, thinking that this Hardy is related to Ed Hardy in hopes of getting discounted clothing.
25. Pittsburgh Steelers- Dakota Watson- After seeing the Red Bull commercials, Mike Tomlin wants to be able to say "My dear Watson." The joke will get un-funny on day two of training camp. Dakota Fanning jokes will be made for a small time as well.
26. New York Giants- Pat Angerer- New York is generally an angry place. (pushing it?)
27. Philadelphia Eagles- Jahvid Best- This is part of their plan to get DJ Khaled to do a song about them, however, their plan causes them to lose fans, as DJ Khaled is awful.
28. San Diego Chargers- Joe McNight- Taking LaDainian Tomlinson's spot is a job only fit for a knight, a McNight.
29. Detroit Lions- Scott Long- The Lions love WR's, which will be especially true now that that they have a QB. They take Long because his last name describes their chances.
30. Jacksonville Jaguars- C.J Spiller- They aren't that far removed from having one of the best 1-2 runningback duos in the NFL, they want to get back to that level.
31. Baltimore Ravens- David Reed- They hope he can recreate the magic that the other Reed on their team has, only this time on offense.
32. Kansas City Chiefs- Ndamukong Suh- I felt bad for putting them last.
Thanks to everybody who made through all the bad jokes, you are rewarded with $455 theoretical dollars. Leave your e-mail for your theoretical prize.
I'm Joe W.