For only $7.99 you can have the time of your life and keep your seed in its package, a fair price considering every NFL athlete is making money that can either rival or embarrass the president of the country they are employed in.
Unfortunately, for most of the professional athletes in America, they don't seem to share the same views of safe sex and contraception as I do, thus leading to a fatherless child, a check at the end of the month, and a list that will make your head spin and eyes widen.
No. 10: Santonio Holmes
Santonio Holmes' skills reach far beyond the playing field, as the Pittsburgh wide out has a knack for catching both passes and women.
Holmes is unmarried and has three children with two different women, and all this happened while he was attending college; apparently some people just didn't go to class.
No. 9: Shannon Sharpe
The former Denver tight end was a buckin' bronco even before he made his way to the Mile-High City.
Sharpe has three illegitimate children with three women and all are rumored to have occurred within a year of each other.
While his name may say otherwise, Shannon was less than sharp when it came to playing tight end in the bedroom.
No. 8: Willis McGahee
The man who once claimed that all his "baby mammas" wanted to do was "nag" might want to think about dressing his soldier like a Trojan the next time he wants to go exploring.
Within a span of two years, McGahee contributed to three illegitimate children with two different women.
No 7: Priest Holmes
Given some of the choices he's made in life, Priest Holmes' name is seriously misleading.
The former Chiefs running back is a father to three illegitimate children, and has been retired since 2007. With all those children and no income matching the money he used to make, he may need a priest to pray for him.
No 6: Marshall Faulk
Apparently former St. Lois Rams running back Marshall Faulk never found the difference between running through tackles and running through women.
The former NFL MVP has rushed his way into history books and at least four different women, resulting in six children.
No. 5: Ray Lewis
One of the leagues most scariest athletes is also one of its biggest sperm donors.
The Baltimore Ravens linebacker has four "baby mommas," six children, and one Super Bowl ring.
Apparently intimidation goes hand-in-hand with procreation.
No. 4: Derrick Thomas
Perhaps the most tragic story of all, the former Kansas City Chiefs linebacker died at age 33 of a massive blood clot he had suffered from a car accident weeks earlier.
Thomas left behind seven illegitimate children that he had fathered through five different women.
Thomas had no will and left behind $1.16 million in assets that the childrens' mothers went to court for a share in.
No. 3: Antonio Cromartie
When the Jets acquired Antonio Cromartie from the San Diego Chargers, they knew the Louis Vuitton suitcases were not the only baggage coming to New York.
The newest Jet has recently been granted a $500,000 bonus in his salary to cover an overload of expenses that range across the United States.
Cromartie has fathered seven children by six different women throughout five different states.
The defensive back is also facing five paternity suits and is apparently knee deep in money troubles, even after signing a $12 million contract in 2006.
No. 2: Charles Rogers
Perhaps the worse case scenario come to life.
The former Detroit Lions draft pick is no longer employed by the NFL and has more mouths to feed than Danny Tanner of Full House .
Rogers has five children with four different women. To make matters more complicated, the former wideout impregnated two different women while most of his classmates were picking colleges.
No. 1: Travis Henry
We have finally come to the king of the unprotected swing, the master of illegitimate disaster, Travis Henry.
In 2009, Henry became the father of two beautiful twin girls, bringing his total child count to 11. The 11 children are spread out through 10 different women.
After serving jail time for missing child-support payments, Henry quickly found himself in major trouble and is currently serving a three-year jail sentence for cocaine trafficking.