NFL News Wire Rundown, 7/8

Alex Rodriguez is getting a divorce. He's all over the news.

Michael Vick is going bankrupt. He made it onto perezhilton.com. (I was linked there. I didn't visit the site on my own. Don't worry.)

Tony Gonzalez is being covered on FOXNews.com because he saved a man from choking to death. (Choking to death? Really? That still happens? What a way to go out. I wasn't able to swallow a bite of top sirloin...) 

All this left me wondering, why are people so infatuated with athletes being involved in stuff other than sports? Does the fact that they have lives other than playing with a prolate spheroid (oh wow, that sounds dirty) on Sundays excite people that much?

I am a member of the media—barely—and I am—desperately—trying to gain a large readership here. If I talk about Eli Manning having a cavity, could that help me accomplish my goal?

You tell me, after reading what I have to say on today's set of NFL news, none of which will have anything to do with football, and everything to do with what players do when they're off the gridiron. Enjoy (hopefully).

Darrion Scott Has Interesting Ways of Having Fun with His Kids

Free agent DL Darrion Scott pleaded guilty to child endangerment Monday for putting a plastic bag over the head of his two-year-old son.

The charge is considered a "gross misdemeanor." Scott claims he had no intention of hurting the boy and was just fooling around. Scott's lawyer says two felony charges of assault will be dismissed on July 24.

Darrion stated that he was simply using the bag to make sure his child would cover his eyes during a game of hide and go seek. The boy allegedly has a bad habit of peeking before he gets to 50.

Scott did mention that it might be because the kid can't count that high and acknowledged the possible stupidity of his action. "Teaching him to count would probably have been a wiser thing to do."

Breaking News: Favre Texts Ted Thompson!

Brett Favre reportedly sent Packers GM Ted Thompson a text message over the weekend. 

The text's content is unknown, but Thompson replied that he is on vacation and the two could speak later, according to WTMJ-Milwaukee. Thompson has also ignored calls from Favre's agent and sent an intermediary to talk to Favre at his Mississippi home. 

Thompson can avoid Favre all he wants, but if Brett requests to be taken off the retired list, Thompson must grant his wish.

Oh the intrigue! What if he was just seeing if Ted wanted to fill out a foursome? Maybe he was just wondering if Thompson wanted to go see Hancock when he gets back from Hawaii?

Find me a professional athlete who doesn't ever send text messages. Then tell me how this is the most important news story of the day. Ridiculous.

The thing I don't get about this though is how the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel found out about this text message.

Do they have sources who work for T-Mobile? And how do you know what Thompson's response was but have no idea what Favre sent to him? Did the wireless worker look in on the text conversation just a few seconds too late to catch what Brett said?

Biggest Non-Story of the year. Actually, of my life. And my parents' lives. 

DA Tries to Enhance His Mobility

Derek Anderson worked out at the SPARQ training facility this offseason in an attempt to enhance his mobility.

SPARQ stands for Speed, Power, Agility, Reaction, Quickness. Browns OC Rob Chudzinski has added more rollouts to the playbook this season, so perhaps this will help Anderson improve on those. You can bet that Brady Quinn would still whoop him in a foot race.

This may be somewhat related to football, but I just had to get my two cents in. SPARQ training, from what I know, goes around the nation testing and training high schoolers at schools and camps.

Is Derek Anderson really that unathletic? Just picture him doing the 40-yard dash alongside some pimple faced 16-year-old. I would hesitate to draft a player like this.

Another Brush with the Law for Brandon Marshall

Brandon Marshall was ticketed by Denver police for more traffic violations in June.

He was pulled over for an illegal lane change, then found to be without his license or proof of insurance. These sound like minor and routine traffic violations, but they can't help if Marshall plans to plead not guilty to DUI on September 16. He'll be in court July 24 for these new infractions.

Marshall, Marshall, Marshall. I'm trying to decide if Brandon is a better driver when he's drunk or sober.

Con-Vick Goes Bankrupt

Michael Vick filed for bankruptcy protection Tuesday.

Vick owes between $12.8 million to his seven largest creditors, and probably much more to smaller creditors. The court papers suggest that Vick wants to resume his career after he is out of prison. Some of the money owed is to the Atlanta Falcons.

Holy crap that's a lot of debt. Mike must have been a really crappy dog fighter...Oh well, he can always ask his NFL playing brother to help him out financially. Oh wait, he's in prison, too?

Henry's Court Case Will Start Again Next Week

Chris Henry will face a retrial next week in his assault case.

The original case ended in a hung jury. Profootballtalk believes Henry may be reinstated to the league right away if he's proven innocent. Two of eight jurors on Henry's last trial wanted him found guilty.

Another court case, another opportunity to illegally park your car outside the court and have it towed. I almost feel sorry for this guy.