Brock Lesnar Forewarns Top Contenders Carwin, Mir, Nogueira, and Velasquez

Now that every MMA enthusiast has survived the Brock Lesnar media tsunami that spewed headlines to even the most remote corners of the mixed martial arts dot com universe, we can all take a deep breath. Lesnar’s gigantic star power and enigmatic health issues have shaken us to the core since October. It has been a long drought without the fighter who most resembles "Jack" from Tekken. 

The dust is settling and we must resist the urge to smother our beloved MMA sites with nothing but "Brock's Amazing" headlines. It is time to take off the rosaries made of Jack Link's beef jerky, wash your “lucky” pair of Deathclutch speedos, and get back to what we, sports journalists, were put on this God fearing earth to do—scrutinize and analyze.

Before we stare deeply into our own reflections asking, “mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the baddest heavyweight of them all?” Brock deserves a certain level of recognition and praise for digging deep, during such a time of uncertainty, in order to heart through a severe case of diverticulitis, which could have not only ended his career but also his ability to live a normal life.

Only a month ago, the two-time NCAA All-American wrestler was on the brink of major surgery. Had those procedures happened, writers and fans alike would be faced with an altered MMA landscape filled with spurts of Brock folklore and the unnerving demise of the sport’s most celebrated physical specimen. 

Not only would there be an empty 290 lbs. silhouette on the heavyweight roster, the division’s top contenders would be in a frenzy trying to win the title and fill the massive void as champion. If this hypothetical scenario had any Walt Disney motifs, Shane Carwin’s hands are Cinderella and Brock’s size 4XL gloves are the glass slipper.

But as everyone, from Joe Rogan to your girlfriend, learned from Wednesday's press conference held by UFC demigod Dana White and Brock himself, we no longer live in a Lesnar-free MMA world. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. 

The Coors-lite enthusiast calmly sat next to White and recounted his journey with the intestinal illness and his absence from the octagon. What was most astonishing during this media tornado, was the oozing confidence in Brock’s words, his piercing battle-cry that traveled across the digital waves as a warning to his fellow heavyweights: “I’m back...”

More accurately, and in classic Lesnar form, here is a tidbit from the presser:

"I'll just sit back. I'll sharpen my skills. I'll be prepared for either one of those guys (Carwin or Mir), or if it's Nogueira or if it's Velasquez," Lesnar said. "I know one thing... all them guys are [expletive] their pants right now."

So who are these men Brock hopes will be depending on Depends when they enter the octagon? 

Let’s meet our contestants; behind contender door No. 1—undefeated Shane Carwin (11-0), an extremely heavy-handed, NCAA Division II wrestler who is the only contender who can compare to Brock’s extraordinary physique. 

The 35-year-old engineer even wears one glove size larger than the current heavyweight champ. Any fighter who wears an unbelievable size 5XL, enough extra space for marbles or extra knuckles, has devastating knockout power. This has been proven during Carwin’s eleven wins; four have come from KO’s, two from TKO’s and one submission due to strikes.

The roadblock in Carwin’s path to Brock is the man behind contender door No. 2—Frank Mir. The former heavyweight champion is a Brazilian Jiu Jitsu specialist who can rival any practitioner at his weight class and has, more importantly, fought Lesnar twice already. 

Each fight was radically different for many reasons, but the one common denominator was each victor used his bread and butter to his advantage—Mir used a kneebar in the first fight and Lesnar used his wrestling and strength to ground and pound out a TKO victory in the second fight.

The outcome of a rubber match would really depend on which fighter learned the most from their respective losses. Will adding 25lbs of muscle to Mir’s frame help him be more mobile on the ground? Has Brock added another dimension to his ground game?

The answer to the second question would help shed some light on a potential fight with the man behind contender door No. 3—Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira (33-5-1), a revered legend of the sport who has fought a Smithsonian collection of heavyweights, a “who’s who” list of current and future hall-of-famers. 

“Big Nog” is one of the most decorated mix martial artists ever; he holds a black belt in both BJJ and Judo, was the inaugural Pride Heavyweight Champion, and is a former UFC Interim Heavyweight Champion, to mention a few. 

Nogueira’s accomplishments are numerous but for many of those victories the Team Black House fighter has relied on a recurring lifeline, his notorious ability of absorbing punishment. A fight with Brock would be no different. 

Assuming Nogueira’s more technical striking couldn’t keep Brock at bay, the 33-year-old (maybe in Brazilian years) would have to resort to submission attempts off his back while defending against a rabid Lesnar jack-hammering down those size 4XLs.

Luckily, if there is an individual that has the cardiovascular fortitude to weather a Brock storm, it’s Nogueira.

Of course, “Big Nog” can save himself the trouble and the impending facial dents from Lesnar if he loses at UFC 110 against our final contender standing behind door No. 4—undefeated Cain Velasquez (7-0). 

The Mexican-American, All-American collegiate wrestler from California has been on a recent tear, running through the heavyweight gauntlet, gaining victories over notable opponents such as Ben Rothwell and Cheick Kongo.

The most frightening attributes Velasquez possesses is the pace at which he improves, and his natural hunger is equivalent to a brown bear waking from hibernation. Despite not matching Lesnar’s wrestling pedigree, Velasquez is well-versed in the discipline and has enough singlet experience to be competitive against the bigger, stronger Lesnar.

Cain is only one fourth of the contention bracket, though, having a 25 percent chance at welcoming Brock Lesnar back into the ring. Whoever bears the responsibility will give the current champ the opportunity to fine tune his in-ring victory celebrations and another chance to prove to the world why he is one of MMA’s brightest stars.

Only time will tell—the stage is finally set. Let’s just hope the UFC’s prized possession doesn’t get Staph, a dislocation, a break, a cut before the fight requiring stitches. Let's hope he doesn't faint, get depressed, or...spontaneously combust.