(In case it was not apparent, this article is a joke and all quotes are fictitious.)
CVS cashier Walter Kovacs finally agreed to sell a Snickers bar to the New York Mets on Friday morning, according to a team press release.
The Mets were known to be seeking some sort of chocolate snack treat this winter after a disappointing 2009 campaign left a bitter taste in fans’ mouths. Rumors had been circulating for months that Mets GM Omar Minaya was in talks with Kovacs and other store employees about purchasing the Snickers bar.
Minaya paid $12 for the peanut- and caramel-filled chocolate bar, despite the manufacturer’s suggested retail price of 89 cents.
“It was worth every penny,” Mets manager Jerry Manuel said, “This Snickers will fit very well in our clubhouse.”
Many analysts had reported that Kovacs was reluctant to sell the candy to the Mets, both because of the team’s poor performance last season and fear that the Snickers would not achieve its full flavor potential in cavernous Citi Field.
“Heck, I would have preferred to sell it to the Royals.”
This is just the latest chapter of Minaya’s offseason struggles. Outfielder Jason Bay was similarly hesitant to sign with the Mets, even after it became clear that they were offering the most lucrative contract; catcher Bengie Molina is in the same situation but has still not yet signed with New York.
Sportswriters were divided about how the Mets should solve their candy deficiency. Earlier this week, Alex Lubetkin of the Black & Gold suggested that a Kit Kat would be a better fit than a Snickers, because it would be safe for people with peanut allergies and its unique design gives it “superior shareability.”
A few minutes after Minaya left the store, Kovacs reportedly gave Mariners GM Jack Zduriencik a two-for-one deal on better tasting Reese’s Cups.
Minaya was unavailable for comment, as his mouth was full.