Achtung, NFL: Roger Goodell's Fascist Reign

Mike AllenCorrespondent IOctober 24, 2007

Icon Sports MediaIs the National Football League becoming the Roger Goodell Football League?

With each passing day, I can’t help but continue to wonder how the hell this guy became NFL commissioner. 

It took the NFL owners five ballots—count 'em: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5—before Roger Goodell acquired enough votes to become the new NFL Fuehrer. 

Oops! Excuse the slip of the tongue. Of course, I meant to say "Commissioner," not "Fuehrer."

Or did I?

First there was the singling out of the New England Patriots for using a video camera to tape opposing teams' defensive signals. 

Of course, most of the other NFL teams were doing the same thing, but what the hell—as a former Jets employee, Goodell had a chance to nail the Pats.

Then, after Goodell let the media have a field day with the story, he hit Bill Belichick with a half-million dollar fine—and followed that up with another quarter-million for the team.

That’ll teach those Patriots that I ain’t fooling around, thought Herr Goodell. Seig Heil, too.

Then, before he could even begin to collect the interest on three-quarters of a million ReichMarks, Der Fuehrer whacked Patriots defensive lineman Vince Wilfork and linebacker Mike Vrabel with more fines, for allegedly hitting opposing players below the knees.

However, in both instances the videotape—sorry, didn’t mean to mention an illegal piece of spying equipment—showed that neither Wilfork or Vrabel intended to do what Der Fuehrer accused them of...but rather were blocked into the opposing players.

We shall see if Der Fuehrer metes out the same punishment to Indianapolis Colts defensive lineman Ed Johnson for an almost identical hit on Jaguars quarterback David Garrard in Monday night's game.

And that wasn't all. Out of the clear blue, Vrabel and Patriots quarterback Tom Brady were fined—not once, but twice each—for having their chin straps unbuckled.

This was followed by Der Fuehrer coming forth with an absolutely insane—and moronic—suggestion of playing the Super Bowl somewhere out of the country, like London. 

What’s next, Saudi Arabia?

And now he wants the Pro Bowl to be played before the Super Bowl.

Great idea, Adolf—oops, I mean, Roger.  That way a half-dozen players scheduled to play the following week—in the league's most important event—can come down with injuries that will keep them out of uniform. 

Goodell is running amok.  This man is absolutely out of control.  I can’t even imagine what will come out of his office next. 

Now I understand why it took five ballots before Der Fuehrer garnered enough votes to become the NFL’s first fascist commissioner.

I've heard that there are already rumblings amongst the Players Association.

When is the lunacy going to stop?  How much more are the owners going to take before they call Der Fuehrer onto the carpet for a public reprimand—or hopefully, a pink slip.

Tomorrow wouldn't be soon enough.