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Walking the NBA Wire: Week 7

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Walking the NBA Wire: Week 7
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Written by Jay Ridnour, fantasyloungesports.com

The first quarter of the year’s in the books. Shaquille O’Neal has helped LeBron James in about sixteen games all season. If you count the ones in which he injured himself (two) or those he sat with foul trouble for extended periods (three). Gerald Wallace still leads the league in boards despite the whole being 6-foot-7, athletic, perimeter-ish shooter, scorer thing. Monta Ellis has more turnovers than a pastry chef. And Tracy McGrady is currently set to start more All-Star Games this season than actual games. NBA, Where Amazing Happ . . . Once Happened, Back in 1965, Maybe. Probably.

Guest Writer: Tim Donaghy

Good fortune, my fellow NBA fans,

            I know, I know. You guys and gals are caught up in college football fever with the Heisman unveiling around the corner followed by a plethora of bowl games out the wazoo. But when an opportunity presents itself, I normally say, don’t let it go. Thus, when Jay allowed me to write an article to the fans here at the Lounge, I couldn’t resist. I’m a man who always likes to set the record straight with honesty and truth. So check out my book, Personal Foul, for the truth on how it goes down in the NBA.

            I’m also a man who recognizes your contempt and occasional disgust with me. It’s appropriate. I kinda pissed you off with that, you know, lying for several years thing. I betrayed my profession on countless occasions. I worked with a crime organization that has put the bodies in bodies of water. And I look like a douche, too. (But could you all stop using disgraced every damn time you bring up my name? So many good words out there: dishonored, vilified, unsupported, etc.) Ignore that, will you, for a brief second for it’s time to forgive and forget here during the winter holidays. So the gift I ask from all my faithful legion of NBA aficionados must be that you all forgive me. Find it in your hearts to understand my family’s and my sorrows. To keep us in your hearts this Christmas even amidst all the angst you may hold close for the transgressions from my past. Understand, my life has been a living hell. This holiday season, I simply ask that you realize all I’ve gone through when you’re about to make a pithy comment.

            And also place all the blame on David Stern and the refs.

            Seriously, those guys are dillweeds. I knew which refs loved or hated which athletes, and that allowed me to make the easiest bets of my career. So why are you blaming me? Wouldn’t you do the same thing, buddy? I didn’t conspire for a damn minute: I didn’t freaking have to, son. These refs aren’t unbiased for a second. The refs had grudges that led to my covering the spread. Who cares about your so-called league “investigation” and the such? I know facts that you don’t. All the refs sucked, you know it, I know it, the world knows it. They’re like the All-Star game balloting, they don’t care about the truth. It’s all rigged in their favor with no appearance of fair play. And yes, it all came down to me, a skinny dude from Villanova to break down the wall of fraud between you and the game you love, friend.

            I know what y’all are saying. “Well, Mr. Donaghy, you essentially mimicked every NBA fan’s belief that the entire game is fixed for star players, against certain malcontents and favorable for certain teams and cities. Aren’t you simply [playing to the crowd, here, instead of supporting yourself with legitimate evidence? ESPN’s Truehoop successfully refuted several assertions made in your book including the favorable treatment bestowed upon Allen Iverson by Joey Crawford and Dick Bavetta’s desire to keep games close, two hallmarks of your book that attacked two of the most well-respected referees in the game. You also believe the league office wanted longer series for more money at the cost of competition, but why do so many series end before even a sixth game can be played? Considering you need a book to sell, are a proven liar time and time again, and have nothing to lose by lying one more time, why should we believe anything you say?”

            Because I’m blaming David Stern. And who doesn’t love attacking that douche-tastic, self-absorbed, arrogant dwarf? This guy fixed the Patrick Ewing-to-the-Knicks lottery. I’m telling you. He brought LeBron to Cleveland and Derrick Rose to Chicago, believe me, friends. Why are you questioning me? Are my claims accepted parts of society? We don’t see MLB or NFL star athletes get favorable strike zones or more gracious calls in the field, do we? Nor will you ever hear Sidney Crosby receive special treatment from fans or players of the NHL, either. Indeed, people around the NBA agree with me even though none of them seem all to upset or confounded by my outrageously vitriolic claims. And who doesn’t enjoy attacking and disproving conceited hobbits while you yourself have no substantial proof and defend yourself via questionable claims from a prison-serving d***tard? Go join Al Qaeda or the KGB you commie terrorist.

You Got Served, from Tim Donaghy

P.S. My money’s on the Lakers in ‘10. If they win it all, then I’m right, idiots!

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