Wanted: Patriots Offensive Coordinator to Start Immediately

4 Sport BostonCorrespondent IDecember 7, 2009

FOXBORO, MA - JANUARY 16:  Quarterback Tom Brady #12 of the New England Patriots talks with Charlie Weis during the AFC divisional playoff game against the Indianapolis Colts at Gillette Stadium on January 16, 2005 in Foxboro, Massachusetts.  The Patriots defeated the Colts 20-3.  (Photo By Elsa/Getty Images)
Elsa/Getty Images
If Robert Kraft pulled out his special credit card made only for rich people right now, and purchased the first class ticket on the Internet, is it possible Charlie Weis could be having a late lunch with Patriots officials discussing a four-game-plus playoff contract?
After watching the abysmal play selection and/or decision making in the fourth quarter, it's very clear that having an offensive specialist on the sideline is exactly what this high-powered, nerve-wrackingly self-destructive team needs.
Yes, at times the Patriots looked spectacular yesterday. 
Before three minutes had passed in the third quarter, Tom Brady had thrown a 58-yard touchdown pass to Randy Moss, a 58-yard pass to Wes Welker that may have been one of only three or four passes in NFL history someone could describe to a classroom full of students as a "perfect pass." 
And, as if those weren't enough, Brady also tossed a season-long 81-yard touchdown bomb to Sam Aiken, which made the score 21-10 with just about 25 minutes to go in the game.
However, before Chad Henne (who, by the way, unexpectedly won the battle of ex-Michigan Wolverine quarterbacks against Tom Brady in a humiliating landslide) took his final knee to hand the Pats their second consecutive loss for the first time in three years, we saw an equal, yet opposite amount of needlessly wasted drives, and unnecessary attempts to put the football into lunar orbit that led to a 22-21 Miami Dolphin victory. 
Bill Belichick needs someone he can rely on to call plays that don't go 40 yards downfield when they need six on third down. He needs Charlie-Boy back.
With the coordinator formerly known as an "offensive mastermind" and credited with helping to mold Tom Brady's Hall-of-Fame form, Bill Belichick could actually focus on creating a more effective, or perhaps more accurately, more existent pass rush after his quarterback hands the ball over to the other team in the end zone.  
In the meantime, Charlie-Boy could be screaming at Brady while he sat on the bench, shamefully hanging his head mere inches away from the Gatorade that Weis will say he doesn't need; since it doesn't take much effort to take a snap and hurl the ball at whatever player he sees first in the end zone, regardless of uniform color. 
Coach Bill could be getting back to what he does best, while Brady hangs his head, not hearing the end of how he needs to take charge in the later portions of the game, orchestrating drives that chew up the game clock and crush the spirits of the other team. 
He does not, in fact, need to hurl ridiculous passes down a large percentage of the field, leaving his receivers needing to attempt circus-catches to catch up with them.  When you're in the lead on the road, 3rd-and-6 means you need six yards, not 56.
The Patriots are Apollo 13.  Sure, their mission isn't as exciting or awe-inspiring as the one just a couple of years earlier, but still, the potential of going to the moon? 
The sheer power of such a craft, as well as the complexity of the engineering behind the scenes is something almost every other country's space program envies. 
However, a couple of small system flaws, all piling on top of one another results in an explosion, dooming the potential of a Super Bowl win—I mean, lunar landing.  Sure, the astro-players will still orbit—make the playoffs—but that wasn't the goal to start the season.
You know the dog from the show Family Guy?  His name is Brian Griffin, and he has a beautiful girlfriend. 
This girlfriend is portrayed as equal parts adorable, sexy, and classically beautiful.  However, after talking with her for only a few minutes, one gets the sense she didn't quite make it past graduation from first or second grade. 
Her IQ hovers somewhere above that of a komodo dragon, and just below that of an Emporer Penguin.  And those things stand still during winter at the South Pole for months! 
But hey, she's still fun to look at...Ladies and Gentlemen: Your 2009 New England Patriots.
As frustrating as it was watching the same blown interference calls and end zone turnovers that have doomed them before, it was nothing compared to the frustration of watching the suddenly mediocre Patriots blow one opportunity after another to put their inferior opponent away. 
For a team that hasn't won in an opponent's stadium all season (their one road win came against Tampa Bay and was played in London), every squandered chance seemed to be of their own free will and accord.  Tom Brady needs more coaching help, and so does Bill Belichick. 
It is way past the time to get Charlie Weis back in the Patriot fold.
Let's hope Robert Kraft & Co. feel the same way, or next week's game against the Panthers could become a contest of which quarterback can make more horrible decisions to lead his team to mediocrity. 
Luckily, no one has bested Jake Delhomme in that game in a very, very long time.
(Originally posted on 4SportBoston.com - Written by Bobby Price)