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1. They suck!
2. They have two of the fastest wide receivers in the NFL, but never throw the ball deep.
3. Ron Turner still has a job despite No. 2.
4. They're 4-5 after playing teams that are a combined 38-42.
5. The remainder of their opponents are 32-30 (helped out, greatly, by Minnesota). Still...if they can't beat bad teams, why on earth would they be able to beat halfway decent teams?
6. They are four games out of first in the NFC North.
7. There are eight teams with better records than them in the NFC, and two with the same. Only six teams make the playoffs and I can't make a legitimate argument that says they are better than any of those 10 teams.
8. Ron Turner still has the job as offensive coordinator.
9. Jay Cutler has thrown 17 interceptions through nine games. He's on pace for 30.
10. Matt Forte averages fewer than three yards per rush for an entire game almost as often as he averages more than three yards per rush (four games under 3.0, five over).
11. They lost their last game 10-6, which became the second most boring game this season, just narrowly beating out the 6-3 debacle that was the Cleveland Browns against the Buffalo Bills.
12. Wait, I think Jay Cutler just threw another interception.
13. Before the season started, the entire city was buzzing and the fans had such high hopes to have a winning team that might make its way back into the playoffs. Now, it looks as if we will be lucky to be a .500 team.
14. Every time I watch the games, I remind myself that the Bears don't have a first- or second-round draft pick next year to help fill all the holes they have on the team.
15. The Bears traded that second-round draft pick for Gaines Adams, a player who has played, sparingly, in only one of his five games with the Bears, accumulating two tackles.
16. The New England Patriots acquired Randy Moss for a fourth round draft pick a few years back. He is a Pro-Bowl wide receiver and a surefire Hall of Famer. Gaines Adams has 13.5 sacks in his two-plus year career. What does it say about their front office that they get suckered into giving away a second-round draft pick for a young guy who hasn't even proven himself to be a reliable pass rusher yet?
17. No matter what is going on in the game, I will always assume the Bears defense will give up a big play. And, they usually do.
18. I get pissed off whenever I see Jay Cutler on the sideline acting like nothing is going on in his life. I'm not sure I'll ever have complete faith in him.
19. Devin Hester is not returning kicks anymore. I can't imagine that him returning kicks would take away too much from him learning the receiver position.
20. Lovie Smith calling the defensive plays has been a mistake. Maybe you would want to call something that can get someone close to putting pressure on the quarterback?
21. I feel as if the Bears keep waiting for the weather to turn, as if that is going to be the turning point of their season. Yeah, because no other team is used to playing in cold weather at this point.
22. Take away our two 30-plus point games this season, and our offense is scoring 15.4 points per game.
23. Take away our two 10-or-less points scored against games, and our defense is giving up 26.4 points per game.
24. Neither of those numbers add up to a watchable team.
25. Did I mention that Ron Turner still is an NFL offensive coordinator?
26. Adewale Ogunleye has five sacks. Alex Brown has four. Nobody else on the team has more than one. If the offense wasn't so bad, I would say that, maybe, I would DVR the games and fast forward through the defensive series and watch the offensive, but that would be, well, offensive.
27. Danieal Manning is one tackle behind Lance Briggs for tops on the team. We all know what it means when a teams safety is (almost) leading the way in tackles.
28. None of our players are dating Hollywood celebrities, so we can't even get a cameo appearance by a sexy starlet the way some other teams do.
29. Not only that, but we don't even have cheerleaders. We can't even get the obligatory cheerleader cleavage shot going to and coming back from commercials.
30. Hold on a minute, I just picked off Jay Cutler and ran it back for a touchdown while he was just laying on the ground, sulking, with his face mask stuck in the grass. I need to catch my breath.
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