The NFL Needs to Take Out the Trash

Use your ← → (arrow) keys to browse more stories
The NFL Needs to Take Out the Trash
Doug Benc/Getty Images

Every week, I go off on some tirade about how terrible the NFL is and how mediocre teams are, even though their record suggests otherwise.

I'm tired of terrible games, like Kansas City vs. Jacksonville last week or Buffalo vs. Tennessee this week.

Actually, come to think of it, we're lucky if we get two great games each week. Just because the teams have good records does not mean it's going to be a good game.

Take a look at the snooze-fest between Denver and Pittsburgh on Monday Night Football.

Both teams entered the game with good records, and yet the Denver offense put on a show that set football back 70 years. I know Pittsburgh has a good defense, but the Broncos looked awful.

A close game does not qualify a game as being good either.

Were you glued to the TV when Oakland held on to a dramatic four-point win against Philadelphia in Week Six? Or were you busy watching highlights of the Cleveland Browns lone victory over the Buffalo Bills, which was decided by a field goal in Week Five?

Face it NFL fans: The product that warps your mind is complete and utter garbage. And what makes matters worse is that the pollution begins on Thursdays beginning this week, and it runs through Monday.

Are you and the boys getting together to watch the San Francisco 49ers play the Chicago Bears?

I doubt it.

Rewind 20 years and you would watch this game even if you weren't a fan of either team.

I want good football back. I want to get excited about any two teams playing each other because there are good players that make great plays. I'm tired of watching a bunch of stiffs beating up on each other.

I want to watch teams that are undefeated and don't have a glaring weakness such as the New Orleans Saints and their terrible defense.

It is the time to unveil the new NFL. It is time to remedy the situation and make the NFL watchable again. It is time to get rid of stiffs like JaMarcus Russell. We need to have elite teams again filled with great players.

A 6-2 record should mean you are dominant. It should not mean you are the verge of collapse. Sorry Denver, but I hate being lied to.

Is my solution going to happen?

No.

Is yours?

No.

Good 'ol Roger boy isn't going to do anything unless he wants to do it. And honestly, my idea would kill the profitability of the game. But you will admit that it would make the game better.

So here it goes:

Eliminate Eight Teams.

You got it. I am going to eliminate two divisions in football.

If you eliminate eight teams you will help reduce the terrible players.

Imagine a league where there are only 24 spots available for starting quarterbacks. Do you think guys like Ryan Fitzpatrick find their way under center? Would Marc Bulger be clinging to his career or a spot in the unemployment line?

And would stiffs like Eric Mangini or Tom Cable be coaching in the NFL? Not unless NFL stands for some youth football organization in your area.

Cutting out eight teams does leave us with a huge dilemma, but I am willing to be a man and break some hearts.

I will only keep teams that have history or provide some sort of geographic influence.

Here is a list of the teams that will get the pink slip:

 

  • Jacksonville Jaguars - Three teams in Florida? No thanks. You can't even sell out home games so you obviously don't care. I know you like football down there, but you prefer the college variety.
  • St. Louis Rams - Do we really need two teams in Missouri? Again: No thank you. The Chiefs have more history and quite frankly the debate is not even close so the Rams must go.
  • Carolina Panthers - You're an expansion team so this is an easy decision. See ya.
  • Tennessee Titans - A quasi expansion team. The fans are great, but it came down to the Titans or the Texans. Houston had points against it for being an expansion team, but they were already robbed of a team once, and I am not going to do it again. Plus, the Texans have a better stadium, and I really don’t care about the market in Tennessee.

 

Phew. Halfway there.

 

  • Buffalo Bills - If a team wants to leave for Canada, I have no desire to keep them in the NFL. Plus, we have enough teams in the Northeast.
  • Indianapolis Colts - This franchise used to stink, so that counts against them. They also stole the Colts from Baltimore, so I'm going to steal the Colts from Indianapolis.

Two more? What was I thinking?

 

  • Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Come to think of it we only need one team in Florida.
  • New York Jets – This was the toughest cut. I wanted to ax Seattle, but I need a team in the Northwest. I also wanted to cut out Detroit, but I need that market as well. I also contemplated Minnesota. Hey, if Vikings fans struggle to sell out the stadium against the Eagles in the playoffs, I have no problems tossing you out of the league. Ultimately, I needed to preserve the Midwest market.

 

Deep down inside, I am a closet Jets fan. They are rowdy like the Eagles fans and have passion. I can't keep two teams in New York City. They are the other team that no one really wants to be associated with. They don’t even have their own stadium. Bye bye Fireman Ed.

 

Division Realignment

With only 24 teams, you will have six divisions. Each division will have four teams. Each conference will have three divisions.

These are the new divisions:

NFC East

Dallas, Philadelphia, New York, Washington

NFC Central

Chicago, Detroit, Green Bay, Minnesota

NFC West

Arizona, San Francisco, Houston, Seattle

AFC East

Miami, New England, Atlanta, New Orleans

AFC Central

Baltimore, Cincinnati, Cleveland, Pittsburgh

AFC West

Denver, Kansas City, Oakland, San Diego

 

Schedule

Each team would play its divisional opponent twice (six games) and then play the rest of the conference once (eight games). With 14 games accounted, for there would be two out-of-conference games based on a team's finish from the previous year. For example, the top team in the NFC would play the top two teams of the AFC.

 

Playoffs

The three divisional winners earn automatic berths along with three wildcards.

Seeding will be determined by record. So if you win the division at 8-8, you are likely getting a six seed and facing an uphill battle.

People may wonder, “What is the benefit of winning the division?” Well, the benefit is that you get a free ticket to the dance.

This will prevent teams with an inferior record hosting a playoff team against a team with a superior record.

The playoffs will carry on as usual where teams are reseeded.

 

Players without Teams

So what happens to the likes of Peyton Manning and Steven Jackson?

Simple.

There is a draft of all players without a team. The team with the worst record goes first. In this case, Cleveland would probably get the first pick and I would not be surprised if they scooped up Manning. This means a guy like Derek Anderson is done.

This would be the ultimate Fantasy Football Draft playing out in real life. The spectacle of this event would be worth eliminating the eight franchises.

Teams would still have the normal 53-man roster, which would result in a ton of cuts.

I know many fans will be heartbroken, but in the end you would thank me for taking out the trash that contaminates the NFL.

Load More Stories

Follow B/R on Facebook

Out of Bounds

NFL

Subscribe Now

We will never share your email address

Thanks for signing up.