Ravens vs. Bengals Preview: Just Too "Tweet"

Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

Week Eight was a bye week for the Bengals. For the Bengals of old, bye weeks were always good to tie up loose legal ends, or possibly meet with the commissioner and discuss terms of suspension. Not the 2009 Bengals. Their bye week was spent on more standard endeavors, like rest, relaxation, and publicizing a new social network.

“That’s Chad Ochocinco for you,” Carson Palmer said. “You know, in times past, we’ve had trouble with players who were ‘trigger’ happy; now we’ve got one who’s ‘Twitter’ happy. The guy’s a social butterfly. If he were as ambitious on the field as he is off, he’d be as great as he already thinks he is. Chad’s taking Twitter to a new level of exposure. Call it a ‘Twitter World Order.’”

“Yeah, it’s just too ‘Tweet,’” says Ochocinco. “I’m easily the most media-savvy player the NFL has ever seen. I’m the only one who can keep pace on the information superhighway. It’s easy when you talk a mile a minute all the time.”

The Ravens busted out of a three-game losing streak in style, overwhelming the previously undefeated Broncos 30-7. Now they’re chomping at the bit to avenge Week Five’s 17-14 loss to Cincinnati in Baltimore.

“Hey, I’ve got jungle fever,” Ray Lewis said. “I guess that would explain these wild, erratic convulsions that seemingly always take place during player introductions. Me? I’m not one to connect with people online. I prefer to communicate face-to-face, and in the case of media moguls like Ochocinco, helmet-to-helmet. I’m great friends with Chad off the field, but on the field, I’d give anything for a chance to tear Ochocinco a new uno .’”

Do the Bengals get any respect? Obviously not. They’re leading the NFC North and they’re coming off a bye week, yet they’re still three-point underdogs. That can’t sit in their craws well. I’m willing to bet that Pete Rose has money on the home team. But the Ravens won’t let the North race become a two-team race between the Bengals and Steelers.

Joe Flacco throws for 234 yards and two scores, and the Ravens win 27-20. Afterward, Flacco puts his gear up for sale, with proceeds going to charity, at a local Starbuck’s, where one unwitting fan forks more than $1,200 for a “cup a Joe.”

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