The 2009-10 NBA season is now underway. While all other media members predict the conference and finals champs, I'd like to take a different route: a list of random predictions.
Jason Maxiell will dunk on Shaquille O'Neal. Nobody has ever legitimately thrown down the hammer on Shaq, partly because he's a good shotblocker, partly because he is too damn big, and partly because he will foul the sh*t out of the dunk-attempter if he doesn't have good defensive position. Now that Shaq resides in the Central Division, he must face the wrath of the NBA's most devastating undersized power forward dunker four times in the regular season. The former Bearcat Maxiell already made his mark against Memphis last night when he grabbed a rebound over Marc Gasol and went right back up and murdered a one-hander all over the entire country of Spain. Shaq can hardly move anymore, and unfortunately he will get thumped on by Jason Maxiell.
The Magic will lead the league in dunks by at least 100. Dwight Howard alone is good for about three dunks per game, now Orlando has added Vince Carter and Brandon Bass to the mix. Bass will try to tear the rim down any chance he gets, and we all know about Vinsanity. This team by itself is worth the cheese to sign up for NBA League Pass.
Jonny Flynn will win Rookie of the Year and dunk on Joakim Noah. Yes, I know, this is bold. But nobody's talking about Flynn at all and the kid can play. He can also rise, as Noah will find out soon.
James White will win the Slam Dunk Contest. Of course this is only IF he is allowed to participate. Currently not on the Rockets' active roster, White did however sign a three-year deal at the end of last season. If the NBA omits "Flight" White from the contest, it will suffer major karmaic consequences for depriving its fans of one of the most electrifying dunkers to ever lace 'em up.
Ron Artest will learn to meditate and "relax." Phil Jackson, a.k.a. "Swift Eagle" as dubbed by the Dakota Sioux tribe, will take care of the meditation. And Luke Walton will dig into his father's stash to help with the "relaxing."
OK fine, finals predictions: West = Lakers over Nugs, East = Magic over Celts, Lakers win it again, YAWN.
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