49ers vs. Texans Preview: Crabtree Debuts Minus Bail Bondsman

Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

The 49ers, coming off a bye, have had an extra week to examine Week Five's 45-10 loss to the Falcons. Head coach Mike Singletary sternly reminded his team of the importance of not looking ahead and focusing on the task at hand before savoring the benefits.

"It was our bye week," says Singletary, "but you could also call it a 'Bly' week. Dre has been the 'butt' of more jokes than Beyonce.

"I think Dre knows by now that he's best off not trying to imitate Deion Sanders on the field. Dre'd be better served imitating Deion off the field, of which the best way is to put on his Sunday's finest and conduct some questionable business with some shady NFL agents. Then have non-football fans guess whether you're a preacher or a pimp.

"As you know, Michael Crabtree will be starting at wide receiver. Some may think we're rushing him, but I think he's ready enough. I'd say he's about 90 perceny prepared. Toss in 10 percent from a bail bondsman, and he's totally prepared to start."

The Texans are 3-3 and are one of those Forrest Gump "box of chocolates" teams, because you never know what you're going to get. One week, the Texans look great, as they did last week in a 28-17 win in Cincinnati. Another week, they'll look awful, as they did in a 24-7 loss to the Jets in Week One. With the Colts not yet showing signs of a late-season swoon, it's imperative that the "good" Texans show up each Sunday.

"Hey, you're winsome ," says Matt Schaub, "and you lose some. I know, watching us play is a lot like watching a tennis match. And, when Mario Williams accosts a diminutive Asian line judge, it's even more like watching a tennis match."

Houston wins, 24-20.

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