St. Louis Rams: Can It Get Any Worse?

Aaron HooksCorrespondent IOctober 14, 2009

The Rams are big winners.

Big winners when it comes to losing. 

This week the most pathetic group of paid athletes anywhere in the world sunk to new lows on the field, losing their 15th straight game. 

But the real clown car emptied out all over the national stage with the revelation that bloviating blowhard and habitual Oxycontin abuser Rush Limbaugh had entered a bid to buy the NFL’s version of the small town slut everybody gets to bang.  

Just to set the stage for those just now sifting through the heap of trash the St. Louis Rams are, you should know three things.

1) The Rams were owned by Georgia Frontiere who inherited the team from her late husband Carroll Rosenbloom, who mysteriously died in the Atlantic Ocean in 1979. It was allegedly by way of debt collectors from gambling debts according to Frontline. 

Frontiere owned the team until she died early in 2008 and handed over ownership to her two kids Chip Rosenbloom and Lucia Rodriguez.

2) Chip and Lucia had no involvement whatsoever with the Rams before Georgia died. One was an effeminate housewife with a hobby masquerading as a job and Lucia was raising a family too.  

So pretty much two people that didn’t like football and hated being known were handed the keys to a famous franchise in the country’s most popular sport. Oh, and if you wouldn’t mind paying about $200 million in estate taxes, the government would appreciate that.

3) It’s hard to fork over $200 million when you don’t have $200 million. But they DO have an NFL team worth roughly $750 million.

Bingo. Enter Rush Limbaugh.

Chip and Lucia I’m sure are nice people. But before they got involved with the St. Louis Rams they hadn’t slopped around with the pigs. And I can’t imagine getting this dirty is any fun whatsoever.

In one pen you’ve got the city of St. Louis. They’re heading up the evil PR machine, playing every angle to make sure you commit yourself to St. Louis and keeping the franchise in its shitty lease with the Edward Jones Dome.

This is one of the biggest sticking points in getting you a HUGE deal with an LA or other desperate market for football. But you can’t piss all over the city that has the team that you’re currently running. So you try to be civil.

In another pen you’ve got the government. In these brutal economic times, their collectors are tired of waiting for that estate tax to be paid. They want those hundreds of millions of dollars so their overlords in Washington can blow it on another meaningless expenditure.

Oh, did I mention the NFL? Those little piglets are already preening and pining for you to sell to just the type of guy like Rush—rich, white, old—except they’d like one that didn’t openly race bait on the radio for millions of listeners each day.  

Has walking into a fortune every gotten so messy, so quick? Probably. But still.

Meanwhile the actual product on the field that you’re serving up to the people making your riches so very healthy are throwing up in their mouths at what we’re consuming.  Instead of big fanfare, fired GM’s, and Jim Rome calling it a perfect season, the Rams will go 0-for-16 in the only other market that’s in a more tenuous position.

What a disaster.

The worst part? Rush is actually in an ownership "group." One that includes Dave Checketts, the dude that has in a matter of a couple seasons turned the Blues from an also-ran hockey team into the toast of the town. St. Louis would be so lucky to have a guy at the helm.

Trouble is he’s getting money from Rush. So now the media shit storm is going to force the Rams to say no. 

Most likely Checketts doesn’t come back to the table now, and most likely that means the Rams chances of leaving town are significantly increased.

What a losing situation. But then again, what did we expect.