33 Bullet Point Evaluations/Statements About the NFL's First Four Weeks

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33 Bullet Point Evaluations/Statements About the NFL's First Four Weeks
(Photo by Doug Pensinger/Getty Images)

With most teams one quarter of the way through their season, there certainly are a great deal of NFL story lines to discuss. If I were a better writer, I may have a stunningly in0depth analysis of one or more of them.

But despite the deception my recent promotion to "Scribe" (a promotion which took merely a year) may have created, I'm honest enough to admit myself to be a mere hack with only brief assessments to make.

So, for those of you who have ever wanted your football related articles to read like a 10th grade English class power point presentation, do I have a piece for you. Here are my 33 bullet point evaluations for the leagues first four weeks:

  • Instead of my bold (or to be more accurate, idiotic) July declaration that the Giants would miss the playoffs, I wish I would have predicted Denver would have a better defense than Pittsburgh.
  • I despise the Colts and hate to think they may be the NFL's best team. That being said, it's hard to make an argument against that belief right now.
  • How awful is JaMarcus Russell? If the opportunity to show off his ability to throw the ball 60 yards from his knees were ever to arise in a game, he may get a true chance to shine. But for now, he's by far the league's worst quarterback.
  • I want to praise the Vikings, but I am held back from doing so by the murderous rage I feel anytime I see/hear/think about Brett Favre.
  • You think you've had bad luck in fantasy football? Try being the idiot who drafted Eddie Royal three times!
  • I've been a bit of a Tony Romo apologist in the past. No longer. He sucks.
  • The Eagles and Chargers are preseason Super Bowl favorites who have underwhelmed early on in the year. If these team didn't do this every single year, I'm sure I'd be shocked!
  • How long do we have to hear announcers talk about how teams should be afraid of facing "a hungry Titans team?" Yeah, they've looked downright ravenous bouncing back losses thus far.
  • I don't know if Denver's miracle pass in week one will end up standing as the best play of the year, but Gus Johnson's call of said play won't be topped by anyone.
  • Speaking of that game, with all the surprises of early '09, the fact that the Bengals, a poster franchise for ineptitude over the past two decades, have bounced back from that debacle with three strait wins may be the biggest of all.
  • Matthew Stafford should end up being pretty good; just not good enough to help Detroit win within the next five years.
  • I'm all for rookie QB's getting praise when they win, but people who described Mark Sanchez's play before the Saints game as "sensational" have a very liberal definition of that word.
  • I can't instantly recall a season with so many appallingly awful teams. Seriously, who will lose to St. Louis, Cleveland, Kansas City, or Tampa Bay?
  • Though I ran a 6.1 40 in high school and haven't worked out since graduating, I think I may be able to accumulate 700 yards as a Colt receiver (I'm generally not one to boast, but my JV coach once said I had "slightly above average" hands).
  • I must say I'm a bit surprised at how quickly the Bears have made Jay Cutler the undisputed center of their offense. With the exception of two long runs Sunday, Matt Forte has been a shadow of his '08 self.
  • Drew Brees having nine TD passes thus far isn't a surprise. But the fact that he's thrown zero the last two weeks and the Saints have still easily both games fairly easily makes them frighteningly good.
  • I think the two receiver Steve Smith's did a Freaky Friday-esque body switch in the offseason. Though in Carolina Smith's defense, the guy in New York has an actual quarterback under center, where as he's been forced to catch passes from a $42.5 million autistic monkey in shoulder pads.
  • Is anyone truly surprised about Chad Pennington? Winning comeback-player-of-the-year one year and going on IR with a shoulder injury the next is what he does.
  • You know why T.O. is struggling in Buffalo? Because he's two years removed from being an elite receiver!
  • I predicted Kurt Warner would be this years version of '03 Rich Gannon (though not in print, dammit!). I like where that prophecy is headed.
  • Limas Sweed may be the NFL's worst receiver...I mean historically.
  • I know it was hard to predict just how awful their offensive line would be, but the people who called Green Bay a Super Bowl contender deserve to feel foolish right now. Nathan Vasher is the only reason they are in the playoff hunt at all.
  • I think every analysts probably believed New England would bounce back quickly from their week two loss to the Jets, they all just wanted to individually state they were the "one-and-only" media figure who had the foresight to not give up on them.
  • Tony Gonzalez and Ray Lewis may be elite players into his 50s.
  • It's not officially a Patriots/Ravens game unless Baltimore ends things by blaming the officials for their defeat.
  • I know he's had to unfairly deal with a lot of coaching changes, but I think it's well past the time to admit Jason Campbell simply isn't good.
  • Patrick Willis is the best linebacker in the NFL.
  • If there's a player more fun to watch than Maurice Jones-Drew, I don't know who it is.
  • Matt Hasselbeck has officially replaced Matt Schaub as the league's most injury prone quarterback...for now.
  • What the hell has happened to Antonio Cromartie?
  • I find it amusing that a woman who left a menstrual blood stain on a break room chair has a problem with the way I conduct myself at work (they don't all have to be about football, people!).
  • If your nickname is "Megatron" you damn well better be a badass.
  • Lastly, as senile as John Madden was, I would hope everyone would join me in getting on my knees and begging him to come back if it meant the end of the unbearable Chris Collinsworth. If anything, I should be doing color commentary on Sunday Night Football, and Collinsworth should be peanut vendor at all the SNF locations. It would give him a great opportunity to meet a vast array of 14-18 year old punk rockers who would be enticed by the $100 bills hanging out of his pockets.
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