Wake Me Up When September Ends: Washington Gives Detroit New Life

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Wake Me Up When September Ends: Washington Gives Detroit New Life
(Photo by Scott Boehm/Getty Images)

Great, just great, Redskins. You made Billy Joe Armstrong of Green Day’s words ring true, with a forgettable 1-2 record in the month of September. What happened since last year? At this point last year, you were 3-1.

Great, just great, Redskins. You made me lose my breakfast. And lunch.

 

Great, just great, Redskins. You, as FOX TV analyst (and former NY Giant) Michael Strahan simply put it, “quit” in the first half. As a result, you can thank yourselves, franchise, for playing catch-up throughout the second half and ending the once-“cowardly” and abominable Detroit Lions’ 19-game winless streak, 19-14, at Ford Field Sunday.

 

The last time the Lions won (December 23, 2007), light, the Model T and Google were not invented; Michael Jordan was playing for North Carolina; Dubya was with the Texas Rangers, not POTUS; Susan Lucci didn’t nab her sought-after Daytime Emmy; The Berlin Wall was still up; and (Uncle) Walter Cronike had us sold on “And that’s the way it is” on CBS News.

And, oh: Kanye West didn’t interrupt Libyan head of state Moammar Ghadafi’s rambling speech at the United Nations as yet, to tell him how he was gonna let him finish—but how Venezuela’s Hugo Chávez had better putdowns for America.

Okay, okay…Some of the above was exaggerated or untrue, but the Lions really haven’t won since Dustin “Screech” Diamond realized that he’d be the only character who would get no action on the set of “Saved by the
Bell.”

 

Great, just great, Redskins. You made rookie Lions quarterback Matthew Stafford not just great, but above average.

He fooled your defense on short-, intermediate- and long-ranged plays, scrambled à la Michael Vick (A.I., ante incarceration) in the first quarter for 21 yards on one third-down, and zipped a few nice passes to wideouts Calvin Johnson and Bryant Johnson (no relation), as if it were a flashback to the golden days of San Francisco’s Montana-to-Rice, Montana-to-Taylor connections.

 

Great, just great, Redskins. You get a little momentum on your first possession, and are unable to get a touchdown on a fourth and goal, one-yard line rush to the left side. Running back Clinton Portis gets zilch. Zero. Squat. For what?

Coach, you could’ve taken the field goal! There’s no harm in getting field goals, seeing that the team seemed quite familiar, comfortable, with treys in their stinker of a home opener last week against the St. Louis Rams. What sane NFL coach doesn’t take a field goal early in the first quarter to get any form of points on the board?

What futile point were you trying to make, huh? That your team is trying to become the old Lions who didn’t know how to win before seeing that giant “sucker” sign on your backs? Ha. Rich.

 

Great, just great, Redskins. Your stars came out to play. Somewhat: “Fat” Albert Haynesworth and rookie linebacker/defensive end Brian Orakpo got one sack each during crucial moments of the game. Santana Moss came out of his shell and had a phenomenal day, with 10 receptions, 178 yards and a 57-yard touchdown.

Quarterback Jason Campbell was again good (27/41 passes, 341 passing yards, 2 TDs, 1 INT), but not great enough to lead his team to victory, like Brett Favre did against the 49ers that same day, in the fourth quarter.

Plus, the offensive line only allowed one sack, despite the loss of right guard Randy Thomas and the addition of second-year guard Chad Rinehart in his first career start.

 

Great, just great, Redskins. You’re now 0-2 on the road and almost coughed it up at home. You’re playing in potentially the easiest block of your schedule, and you struggle mightily not only against the NY Giants but the Rams and Lions, too?

What does this mean next week when you play the Bucs, who were shut out 24-0 to the G-men today, at home? Is D.C. native and Bucs quarterback Byron Leftwich (H.D. Woodson alum) going to play like Warren Moon against you guys?

Remember: Against fellow NFC East teams this season, the Cowboys beat
Tampa, 34-21; and again, the Giants did not allow them one point. Is your offense capable of a disappearing act against another gimme team?

 

Great, just great, Redskins. And you wonder why you’re booed at home, your head coach has the sword of Damocles above his head and Campbell has been harangued and toyed with in potential trades (yeah, Jake Cutler and Mark Sanchez are looking pretty good right now…).

 

Great, just great…Deadskins.

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