Oakland RaidersDownload App

Al Davis Screws Us Again

ALAMEDA, CA - SEPTEMBER 30:  Oakland Raiders owner Al Davis speaks during a press conference to announce the firing of head coach Lane Kiffin of the Oakland Raiders at thier training facility on Septemer 30, 2008 in Alameda, California.  (Photo by Jed Jacobsohn/Getty Images)
OneManCrimeWaveContributor ISeptember 11, 2009


The Cincinnati Zoo's eight-year-old cheetah, Sarah, broke the land speed record for a mammal yesterday.

My sources are telling me that Al Davis, enamored by Sarah's pure speed, has traded a 2012 first-round draft pick to the Cincinnati Zoo for Sarah.

However, the situation is complicated by Sarah's contract, which expires after this season. Before being traded by the Cincinnati Zoo, Sarah had assurances by the Zoo staff of an extension.

Davis has dispatched a passenger pigeon carrying an ultimatum for Sarah to report to Oakland in no more than five days.

The Cincinnati Zoo chairman of the Board, Murray Sinclaire, has issued a statement proclaiming any contract problems to be exclusively between the Raiders and Sarah.

Last season, Sarah posted 211 digestions of hares and seven small antelope.

Damn you Mike Brown. How can you just sit idly as Al Davis out seniles you from right under your nose. Can you imagine how nasty our wide receiving group would be with Sarah's speed?

We already have Chad who is faster than a thoroughbred. With Sarah blazing past the secondary and snagging pigskin (cheetahs eat warthogs), defenses would literally not be able to keep up.

First the Heyward-Bey contract and now the fastest thing in Cincinnati since Airborne. Screw you, Al Davis.

Where can I comment?

Stay on your game

Latest news, insights, and forecasts on your teams across leagues.

Choose Teams
Get it on the App StoreGet it on Google Play

Real-time news for your teams right on your mobile device.

Download
Copyright © 2017 Bleacher Report, Inc. Turner Broadcasting System, Inc. All Rights Reserved. BleacherReport.com is part of Bleacher Report – Turner Sports Network, part of the Turner Sports and Entertainment Network. Certain photos copyright © 2017 Getty Images. Any commercial use or distribution without the express written consent of Getty Images is strictly prohibited. AdChoices