The Only Thing Missing from UFC 102 Was a Gorilla Playing the Banjo

Daniel SadlerCorrespondent IAugust 30, 2009

OAKLAND, CA - AUGUST 13:  An Oakland Raiders fan dressed in a gorilla outfit cheers on the Raiders against the Dallas Cowboys during the preseason game at Oakland-Alameda County Coliseum on August 13, 2009 in Oakland, California. (Photo by Jed Jacobsohn/Getty Images)

Two words sum up UFC 102: wow and f*****g hell. Well, three words but one is bleeped out, so two full words.

As I sit here with my Egg McMuffin picked up earlier this morning from the fine food restaurant McDonalds I wonder what was missing from UFC 102.

Brandons Vera's vicious kicks, Marquarts right that sent Maia spiralling head first into the canvas (AWESOME), Chris Leben forgetting that if you're going to pass out you're supposed to tap out, Jardine's allergy to Brazillian right hands (Wandy and Thiago), and two old war horses going toe to toe (or hoof to hoof) for three amazing rounds.

Lets start at Marquart's punch. Wow. Maia setting up for that left leg kick so he wasn't fully planted on the ground then bang he is sent spiralling like a gymnast about a foot off the ground only to land nose first into the canvas, and I thought Brock Lesnar's shot against Heath Herring sent the receiver flying.

Now let's move onto Jardine. I doubt Jardine will ever travel to Brazil, if someone knocked past him he would probably keel over and die. How can Jardine do so well against top flight light-heavyweights (Forrest and Chuck) and then step in against Wandy and Thiago and get owned so badly by shots which aren't even that powerful.

Also I think Houston Alexander must have some Brazilian in him after what he did to Jardine.

And now to the main event, before the fight I read a lot about how this fight was five years too late, how it will be two old men gassed by round two struggling to throw a punch without their zimoframes and yorkshire terriers, but what a show two legends of the sport put on.

Back and forth in the first round, Nog getting slightly better of the striking and then Nog just dominated him. But Randy kept fighting, where lesser men (me included) would've given up Randy kept fighting getting out of Nogs dars/anaconda choke and getting back to his feet.

So what was the event missing, well as my title suggests I would've loved to have seen a gorilla playing a banjo at some point in the evening although I did see Brock who is basically a shaved gorilla however there was no banjo in sight.

Also would've loved to have seen the ring girls topless, Mike Goldberg and Joe Rogan go at it halfway through the Nog-Randy fight, and a Pride-style brawl after the Maia Marquart fight with Shane Carwin taking Mark Coleman's place and Pride Wandy being replaced by the older English speaking Wandy—and this time if Carwin stood on his throat it would break his neck.

Although I wish that on no man apart from Frank Mir and Josh Koscheck.