Showing the playful spirit that made him both a star and a fan favorite in Green Bay for so many years, Brett Favre called a press conference today to reveal that his so-called "retirement" from the NFL earlier this year had actually been nothing more than an elaborate hoax played on his coaches and teammates.
“Oh my god!” exclaimed Favre through a grin so big it could be seen behind the face mask of the helmet he was wearing. “I can’t believe you all fell for that!”
After unveiling the practical joke, Number Four proceeded to describe the painstaking details he undertook to make the successful scam as believable as possible.
“First, of course, I had to have a big press conference where I broke down and stuff. Now, THAT was an Academy Award performance, right there! And I had to clear out all my gear from the offices and locker room. And I had to make a big deal out of signing the retirement papers. Will he? Won’t he? Will he? Won't he?"
"Well, guess what? HE WON’T! HA! PSYCH! Okay, when’s practice?”
After Favre got more comfortable by removing his shoulder pads and cleats, he opened the floor to questions.
“Brett, have you spoken to Mike McCarthy (head coach of the Green Bay Packers), yet?” asked one reporter from the back of the almost half-full party room of Fran and Nancy’s Waffles and Beerhouse. “And if so, what did he have to say?”
“Well,” said Favre in his familiar southern drawl. “I haven’t really been in contact with Coach McCarthy just yet. It seems that he’s gotten a new cell phone number since we last talked. Hey, you wouldn’t happen to have that, would you?”
Other reporters wanted to know how Favre thought Packers heir apparent Aaron Rodgers felt about the wily QB’s fake retirement.
“Well, that’s a funny thing, too. Seems like Aaron’s also got a new cell phone number. Hey, you wouldn’t happen to have that, would you?”
After establishing that no one in the room had any phone numbers for anyone connected with the team, ("Not even the valet?" asked Favre with a boyish laugh), Favre then invited the seven or eight reporters in attendance and one waitress out to the parking lot to watch him throw footballs through a tire he’d hung from the GetGo sign next door.
Three minutes later, the press conference officially ended when Favre zipped a tight spiral through the windshield of a blue Saturn SUV and everybody scattered.