Dear Senator Specter: A Letter from an NFL Fan Sick of Spygate

Mike AllenCorrespondent IMay 15, 2008

My open letter to Senator Arlen Sphincter.  (Oops, I mean Specter)


As a long time fan of the New England Patriots, since their inception in 1960, I have determined that it is time for me to write this letter and congratulate you for your intention of opening up a complete, and total, investigation into alleged “spying” and “ corrupting practices” in the National Football League.

This is something that needs to be done to expose the league for the immoral, and, possibly, illegal things that they have perpetrated on their fans and the nation as a whole.

I commend you, sir, for doing the “right thing”.

According to you, the New England Patriots are guilty, very guilty, of illegally taping opposing team signals,  defensive and perhaps even offensive, and by virtue of the tapes were able to “steal” vital signals, and gain important information that they used in order to become “World Champions” in three separate instances.

That being said, once again allow me to commend you for the actions you intend on pursuing, much in the manner in which professional baseball came under the scrutiny of the United States Congress in regards to their use of illegal pharmaceuticals.

That being said, I would assume, as much as I hate to use that word,  that you will not limit your investigation to the New England Patriots, alone.

I would assume, there’s that word again, that you would want to expose any, and all, use of any and all methods that all teams in the National Football League may have used in order to gain an advantage over their opponents, not just video tape, as other methods may have also been used.

For example, Denver Broncos head coach, Mike Shanahan, has said that they did not use video equipment, but instead employed the use of binoculars to watch opposing coaches, and to intercept their signals.

You will, of course, invite coach Shanahan to testify, won’t you?

And of course there is the case of former NFL coach Jimmy Johnson, a very well respected coach, formerly of the Miami Dolphins, and of course another team that was very successful on the field, the Dallas Cowboys.

Johnson, of course, recently admitted that his teams also used video recordings of opposing team’s coaches for the purpose of intercepting signals.

That, in my opinion, would be very valuable to the Congress in the terms of testimony that could be given.

Therefore, once again I must assume that you would have complete intentions of calling Coach Johnson before your committee to give his valuable testimony on how he and his coaches were able to use video cameras to tape opposing coaches.  That would be valuable to the investigation, would it not Senator?

And please sir, don’t stop there.  Might I suggest that you call in some other witnesses that might prove valuable to your investigation, such as John Madden, Terry Bradshaw, Chris Collinsworth  and several other notable NFL personalities who have gone on record as saying that  the interception of coaches signals was  rampant and quite ordinary.

Senator, I think that all of these individuals would be very helpful to your investigation and if you are going to call for one to begin, you should, of course, not miss a single witness that could expose the fact that many, if not most, of the NFL teams were actively involved in some form of signal stealing.

You could blow the entire league right off of it’s foundation!

In fact, if you really dug deep, I am sure you might even be able to find a few skeletons in the closets of the Steelers and Eagles , the two teams from your home state of Pennsylvania.

Shouldn’t they  be right there, at your side, to expose this horrific and demonistic signal stealing that your investigation will expose as being done by many of the NFL teams, not just the New England Patriots?

Senator, just think how many coaches you could demand be fired, not just Bill Belichick.  You could rack up a baker’s dozen, perhaps.

And owners of the teams, Senator?  Wow, you could really clean house!

You could go down in history as the man who cleaned up the National Football League.  It really shouldn’t matter that a dozen or so of the teams ceased to exist. 

At least you exposed them for the vile and disgusting cheaters that they are.  Kudos to you senator.  You can be a hero, one to be remembered for all of historical time.

So Senator, I am behind you 100 percent.  Go and get it done.  Just remember though, don’t stop with Bill Belichick, Robert Kraft, and the New England Patriots.

Don’t do a half-assed job Senator.  If you’re gonna get em with both barrels drawn, then go for the whole nine yards.  Wait Senator, that puts you one yard short of a first down, so go for the whole ten yards, and nail 'em good.

Nail all those cheaters Senator. Don’t let a single one of them escape.

You will be a hero.  Go for it.


Mike Allen


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