NFL Hall Of Fame Game to Exclude Actual Hall-Of-Famers...Again (Satire)

Jim CantrellSenior Analyst IAugust 8, 2009

Where, I ask, is the outrage? 

For more years than this reporter is willing to count (let's say six) the "Nefarious Football League" has celebrated the unofficial opening of its season by hosting what it misleadingly calls the "Hall of Fame" game.


And I like to "read" Bleacher Report's "Guilty Pleasures" articles!

It's a sham!


Because A); the game is not played in the actual Hall of Fame building!

And because, letter after A); the game is not played by actual Hall-of-Famers!

Okay, I can understand if the Pro Football Hall of Fame's management does not want a bunch of beefy, sweaty, uncouth men running around their sacred halls like college freshman on their first pantie raid. But let's face it, reporters are going to do that whether the game is held inside or not.

And I can also understand that many of the NFL's Hall-of-Famers are either really old, really deceased, or Al Davis.

But I ask you sincerely, could watching those decrepit gentlemen be any worse than the mechanical-pencil-jabbed-in-the-eye sight of Lavelle Hawkins dropping a four-yard out that was shot-putted to him by Patrick Ramsey with nine minutes to go...IN THE FIRST HALF?

Of course, playing fast and loose with semantics is nothing new for this band of "Goodell-two-shoes."

It is the same league that pays millions of dollars for FREE agents. And I can bet you will not find a single tent at your favorite team's training CAMP.

It's ridiculous.

The main complaint this reporter has is not that the surly kid behind the counter at Starbucks is always whispering about me under his breath because I have a hard time pronouncing the word "espresso."

Rather, it is that, by naming this glorified scrimmage the "Hall of Fame" game, the league is being purposely deceitful to its fans. That is why, in the interest of honesty, I would like to suggest a completely new name for next year's event:

"The Bunch of Guys You Don't Know and Who Won't Make the Team Playing in a Meaningless Scrimmage Game."

Either that, or "Crap With Commercials."