A Call To Clever Colts Fans

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A Call To Clever Colts Fans
(Photo by Jim McIsaac/Getty Images)

The Indianapolis Colts signed first-round draft choice Donald Brown today, just in time for him to report to camp and prepare for the team's first training camp practice tomorrow morning. Terms of the deal were not disclosed.

This is great news for Colts fans; if Brown is to contribute this season it is vital for him to maximize his practice time with the complex offense orchestrated by the ever-vibrantly gesturing and gyrating audible-monster, Peyton Manning. Brown will have to get comfortable with both the playbook and the blocking schemes before he can help turn around the Colts' ineffective running game.

Brown is easy to root for. He came from a small college football program and was hardly recognized for leading Division I in rushing. The man used his first moment in a national television spotlight, an interview during ESPN's draft coverage, to discuss a charity that he had already established, even before he signed his first NFL contract.

When I was a junior in college, I was a moron. I didn't set up charities or maturely deal with mass media attention. I was certainly not prepared to learn the most complex offense in the National Football League, or block the best athletes in the world in an attempt to protect the highest profile quarterback in the world.

I know what you're thinking. How can I help?

The answer is simple. We need to provide Donald Brown with a nickname that accurately captures the dynamic essence of the player we all hope he is. 

This task with which we are charged must be completed with urgency, before Chris Berman hands us another "Stately Wayne Manor" or "Live and Let Addai." If we don't act swiftly, the rookie running back will be forever labeled "The Brown Streak" or "Do-Do Brown."

So, Colts fans, any suggestions?

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