"Hello, John Madden here for Sunday Night Football. Boy, this game should be, uh, great! Matt, we have the New England Patriots taking on the Assorted Current Baseball Players Playing, uh, Football. Man, that's a mouth, uh, full!"
"That's right, John. And even though you really stink, you are broadcasting this game! Wait, didn't you retire?"
"Uh, uh, doink! Surprise! I'm back!"
"Look Matt, the game's, uh, starting. Can you run through the ACBPPF's (Assorted Baseball Players Playing Football) line-up?
"Sure, John...After the coin toss, it was decided that the ACBPPF's will start the game by receiving the ball. Their offensive line-up:
"On the line is Prince Fielder playing left tackle, the left guard today is Jose Molina, the center is Bengie Molina, the right guard is Yadi Molina, and the right tackle is Poablo Sandoval.
"Playing tight end is Josh Hamilton; the wide receivers are Jim Edmonds and Ichiro. Playing halfback is Carl Crawford, and the fullback is Ken Griffey, Jr.
"The quarterback is Randy Johnson.
"After a touchback, the game will get underway."
"That's nice, Matt!"
"Yes, it is. Randy Johnson, back. The set. The hike. Johnson, looking downfield, Ichiro's open on the right at the 30, Randy spots Ichiro, pass to his left. Full sprint to the ball, and ICHIRO MAKES THE CATCH!!!!! WHAT A PLAY!"
"You're never short of words, are you John?"
"That's for sure!"
"Randy, in the huddle. Break. They're in the I form. Set. The hike. Randy receives handoff to Crawford, he's through the line, nice hole there in between the Molina Bro line, he GETS PAST BRUSCHI! THE 50...40...30...20...15...10...5...TOUCHDOWN!!! WHAT A RUN BY CRAWFORD!
"You just said that, John."
"I said you just said that"
"What did you say I say, uh, I just said?"
"The kicker is out, Izzy Alcantara, most famous for his kicking the catcher during a minor league ball game. The hike. Oh, and a perfect set up, but Izzy misses, and kicks the setter. Izzy'll grab the ball, and run towards the wrong end zone, and fall over. I've never seen this!"
"Hey, Bob, can you get this geezer out of here?"
"Matt, you're on air."
"So, I could give a...
Now a word for the Banana Farmers of Washington. We get the best Bananas out here in this clay. As a matter of fact, they're so sweet when you pretend to put them in you're mouth. Try some today!
Now from the official sponsor of NFL on ESNN, Pepsi!
"Hi, Phil Coke here from the New York Yankees here for new Diet Coke. It's so good, I'm named after it!"
"Phil, this is for Pepsi."
"Hi, Phil Pepsi here for Pepsi. It's so good; I had my name changed for Coke to Pepsi!"
"Hello and welcome back. I'm Matt Jastbuzzoff, with John Madden. The Patriots will have just three short minutes (since the game was shortened because of John's new bed time) to score a touchdown, to beat ACBPPF.
"Today’s ACBPPF defense looks great! The left end is Jason Giambi, the left tackle today is Prince Fielder, the right tackle is Ryan Howard, and the right end is Big Papi, David Ortiz. The cornerbacks are Nomar Garciaparra and Derek Jeter. The outside linebackers are A-rod and Adrian Beltre, with the middle linebacker being Albert Pujols. The safeties are Jacoby Ellsbury and Michael Bourn.
"Badey set, the hike...looks deep, moss is way out there, the pass...INTERCEPTED! ELLSBURY, NOW AT THE 20...30...40...50, AND he'll be taken down there. The offense will come back out, and just waste time, without these timeouts around any more."
"What'd I miss?"
"Look at the scoreboard"
"What, Matt, I can't hear you?"
"GRRRRRRRRR! You know what..."
(That announcer guy who sounds like he has a really strong handshake:)
"Thanks for watching another edition of Sumday this might be good, I mean, Sunday Night Football. We really, really, really, appreciate it."