CvC Wild Card: Stephanie McMahon Is the Greatest. Ever. [Humor]
What’s this? A late entry? Yes! Bleacher Creatures, behold the genius of the argument I bring to the table, and despair!
In yesterday’s and today’s world of Professional Wrestling for both men and women, a shot at a Championship, carving out a legend for one’s self, or even merely getting over with the fans called for untold amounts of hard work, blood, sweat, and self-sacrifice. In short, a wrestler would have to pay their dues.
So talented, so skilled, so brilliant, and so…entitled is today’s subject, that her legend wasn’t merely the result of hard work, but rather a matter of preordained destiny.
Stephanie McMahon was, quite literally, born into wrestling greatness. As the daughter of Vincent Kennedy McMahon, the world of pro wrestling was her oyster, and the World Wrestling Federation/Entertainment had no choice but to take heed of the royal blood flowing through her veins.
As if being part of the greatest Dynasty the world of Sports Entertainment has ever known wasn’t enough, Stephanie McMahon-Levesque also has an impressive list of crowning achievements of her own, to support the claims that she is, indeed, the greatest Women’s Champion on the face of the planet.
Before anyone breaks their arm patting Chyna on the back for defeating Jeff Jarrett for the Intercontinental Championship at No Mercy (October 17th, 1999), let’s think back to a month prior. Sept. 20, 1999. That’s right. Stephanie McMahon got the 1-2-3 on Ol’ Slapnuts himself, too.
In later matches, the Queen of Women’s Wrestling would go on to also pin her former fiancé Test, as well as “The Great One” himself, The Rock in a Handicap Match (Test was her partner in that match, after having no choice but to defer to her awesome abilities after she’d pinned him).
On March 28th, 2000, the Queen of Wrestling had finally earned her crown. On that evening’s Smackdown taping, she defeated what many would consider the Second-Best female wrestler in the world, Jacqueline, for the title that should have been bestowed upon her at birth.
Stephanie McMahon would later defend her title on multiple occasions against the likes of Lita, Trish Stratus, and others.
It wasn’t until almost five months later that she got bored of dominating the Women’s division that she decided to drop the belt to the almost-as-good-as-Stephanie-is Lita.
Besides, that tacky belt clashed with her spandex shorts and T-Shirt, anyway.
Lest anyone think Stephanie McMahon’s inevitable meteoric rise to the top of Women’s Wrestling is a fluke, or a result of nothing more than the blood in her veins and the signatures on her Birth Certificate, take a moment to reflect on Steph’s Signature Move. Arguably, it is the best Finisher ever to grace the Squared Circle.
No Rock Bottom, Last Ride, or Michonoku Driver can compare to the devastating blast that came from Stephanie’s finisher: The Bitch Slap.
With deadly accuracy, and ruthless aggression, she dominated her opponents and cut a swath through her competition with this lethal counter to any who would dare mouth off to Daddy’s Little Princess.
On Oct. 25, 2003 Stephanie accomplished the unthinkable. In the home of Ichabod Crane, The Queen of all Women’s Wrestling married the King of Kings in Sleepy Hollow, one Hunter Hearst Helmsley, aka Paul Levesque.
Continuing the royal line, she united with Triple H, the greatest Tweener the world has ever known, and earned the envious respect of every Diva, Knockout, Women’s Wrestler, and Billy and Chuck everywhere.
Call her what you want. Queen, Slut, Princess, Bitch, Champion, Skanky, Nasty, Brutal, Bottom-Feeding Trash-Bag Ho, none can deny that Stephanie McMahon-Levesque is not only worthy of being called the Greatest Women’s Champion of all-time, but she’s also entitled to it.
Cause Daddy said so.
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