Holy crap, this Celtics team is frustrating.
You watch them at home and you think they’re an unstoppable force that’s going to roll to the NBA Finals. You watch them on the road and you wonder how they even made the playoffs in the first place.
Where to start?
How about some quick advice for the Eastern Conference Regular Season Champions?
To Kevin Garnett:
Get on the block, for the love of GOD! You can’t fade away from that long-haired, no-talent all fourth quarter.
You are 200 times the player he is. Stop giving in!
Demand the ball, and take it to the hole.
To Paul Pierce:
Your defense has been fantastic, but when it becomes obvious that you’re not going to get any calls…STOP THROWING YOURSELF INTO THE DEFENDER!
Look, I’ve been complaining about the officiating all postseason, but it’s been consistent. Every road team has gotten an unfair shake. Every single one.
Stop worrying about drawing fouls and start worrying about how to create shots for yourself in the fourth quarter.
To Sam Cassell:
At home, you’re tolerable.
On the road, you suck worse than the suckiest suck player that ever sucked. Please go away.
To Doc Rivers:
Thanks for making me a prophet and over-playing your second unit in critical minutes. The starters actually played well enough to win on Monday night.
The bench, which was great in Game Two, was atrocious.
Doc, please stop overcoaching. Put the big three out there, sub Posey every now and then, and put Cassell in when you’re at home and Rondo isn’t playing well.
To put Cassell in the game in the fourth quarter when Rondo was shooting lights out, Cassell was AWFUL, and you needed defense, was inexcusable.
You lose this series and I swear to God I’ll picket in front of the Fake Garden the entire offseason until Ainge comes to his senses and fires you.
To NBA Officials:
It’s OK to call fouls on the home team every once in a while, but please don’t start on Wednesday.
To Rajon Rondo:
Keep your head up, kid. None of us have any idea why you spent so long on the bench in the second half, either.
This can only end in one of three ways:
1. The Celtics lose the series, in six or seven games. This would prove they were a regular-season team with a bad coaching staff and some overrated superstars.
2. The Celtics win in seven, but prove once again (as they did against the Hawks) that they’re no championship team.
3. The Celtics win in six, finally making a statement on an opposing team’s court and taking that next step to championship worthiness.
I’m rooting hard for option three, I’m hoping for option two, but I’m fearful of option one.
After all, LeBron James isn’t going to shoot 28 percent forever.
Sean Crowe is a Senior Writer at Bleacher Report. You can email him at firstname.lastname@example.org. His archive can be found here. You can find everything he writes, including articles for other publications, here.