How I Climbed Into the B/R Patriots Writers Top Ten

Steven FennerCorrespondent IJuly 16, 2009

Finally, I have made it to the big time—the Bleacher Reports New England Patriots Top Ten Writers. It has been a long journey climbing, with lots of highs and lows, blood, and sweat (heavy on the blood from hours of typing till my fingers bled).

But it was all worth it just to get where I had dreamed of being since I was a little boy.

Now that I have made it, how will I be? Will I stay the same person now that I'm world famous? Will I succumb to all the fame and fortune? Will I get a sexually transmitted disease from one of the many fans I'll sleep with? Will it all be worth it in the end?

I would like to thank all the editors for their tireless work spending hours, sometimes all night, just trying to figure out what the heck anything I wrote was supposed to mean.

I would especially like to thank Zander for being there for me when I had my breakdown and my 15 minute writers block. Thank you Zander for becoming my fan, and I promise I will get that shirt drycleaned for you that I cried all over and stained.

And thanks to the countless fans I now have gained, especially any really hot ones. You know who you are. I couldn't have done it without each and everyone of you.

And of course I would like to thank Mom for loaning me the money I needed to bribe certain editors, along with some readers to get them to comment and pretend to actually find anything funny. Ma you know I'm good for it. I have a couple of tricks lined up for later to help me get the money to pay you back. I promise I won't tell Dad you took it from his prescription money.

I'd like to close with a little singing to each of you,

"Johnny died one night, died in his bed,
Bottle of whiskey, sleeping tablets by his head
Johnny's life passed him by like a warm summer day,
If you listen to the wind you can still hear him play.

Don't you know that You are a shooting star?
Don't you know?
Don't you know that you are a shooting star?
Don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you know?
Don't you know that you are a shooting star?

Don't you, don't you know that you are a shooting star?"

If you found this funny please look up there to the right and try some of my other attempts at humor out. Thanks.

In seriousness, though, this article was inspired by Glenn. Please give some of his work a read as a thank you.