Thursday Moring Tight End In The Red Zone

Lord Hughey Windsor-Sanchez Correspondent IJuly 15, 2009

Greetings guys and (mostly) gals. Your man Huey back, from a 2 month snorkling excursion with Al Davis and Ace Parker. My fingers are still wrinkled.

Highlight of the trip, Ace telling me the time he once beat a goat, in a 40 yard dash, during his Brooklyn Dodgers pomp – while we were observing some Emporer Angelfish.

Anyways, football, and talking of such, is what I do, so here I am.

This is how I see em………….Superbowl challengers

5: Gotta put the Patriots in there. Bill’s still there, so they have a chance. Patriot’s line vs. Brady’s knee is why they aren’t higher.

4: Huey loves gambling. That’s a fact. Here’s my gamble. New York Jets baby. If the QB situation clicks, ala Ryan/Flacco, who knows.

3: Minnesota. They’d push hard even with TJ tossing bricks. Favre in the side. Forgettaboutit. On a side note, I dated Favre’s mother for a short time, in the summer of 72 – she told me stories of her son’s powerful right arm, and how he could have a fine career as a shoe cobbler.

2: Pittsburgh. Default. They have all the pieces already. The question is whether anyone has moved ahead of their 08 standard.

1: Got to love Phile’. Their record last year didn’t reflect how good they potentially are. They have made upgrades everywhere this year.

Grinding my Thursday gears

Flying used to be the transport of the gods. Sammy, Frank, Tuffy Leemans and I taking a Spruce Goose down to Aca Pulco. Dame in one hand, Vodka Martini in the other.


I check in to Idlewild at the weekend, they are asking me for a passport, to go to France. France I tells ya! I tell the broad, “I’m going to France, not Iran – ring Al, he’ll vouch for my moral character”. No good. I had to pose for pictures, and queue like a schmuck.

Madden has it right with his bus. Passports are for limeys and communists. I should have put a crack in my passport, the size of the crack in the Liberty Bell.

Huey's letter of the week, that I got some time

"Dear uh Lord Huey, no?

How come theer iz no French Playerz in your national football league, no?

au revoir,

Pepe Garlic - some European country. Probably where they ride bikes".

Pepe, thanks for the telegram. Simple answer. Some countries are good at sports. Some at dancing. Some at cooking. Your's for instance - I've been wearing "Horned Gentleman" cologne since the fall of '38.

My entire life, and legacy, is based on bringing that scent to the states.

I wouldn't buy cologne from an Irishman. In the same way, I wouldn't trust a communist with a football.

You press flowers, and build garlic. We play ball.

Things that have changed since the 50s, that have made things worse.

What’s the deal with inflation. People have too much money, and need banks. In my pomp, your life savings was the size of the roll of green you carried around.

Paying for a new car? Wham, slam some green down on to the dealer’s desk.

Buying a drink? Wham, ditto

Paying for a holiday? Wham, the travel agent is picking up 2 grand in notes off of her floor, after you’ve tossed it at her forhead.

Buying a stamp? Wham, watch as I drop a crisp dollar on your floor. Keep the change doll. While your down there, do some hoovering.

I trust no man who uses banks. The only bank I need is the Jack Dempsey and Barney Ross that I have in either hand.

 10 things a genius like Einstein would say about football, if he wasn’t German, didn’t die in the 50s, and kinda liked football

 1: People questioning the meagre compensation the Patriots got for Cassel. Look at his salary ($15 million for 08/09). Look at the cap hit any prospective teams would have to take to even trade for him. There is a very obvious reason why Denver hit the jackpot for Cutler, and New England basically gave Cassel away. Cutler’s cap hit for the next 2 season is next to nothing.

2: Has anyone seen the size of Brett Favre’s right arm? Seriously, it’s not a gun, it’s a Battle Cruiser. Biggest bicep in football.

3: The only thing bigger than Brett’s arm is his pickup truck. That thing could bring down a cow.

4: I think Adrian Peterson may break a record this year. Eric Dickerson, start saying Hail Marys.

5: Why I love Mike Singletary. Shouted so hard at Michael Crabtree, that the guy burst into tears. Mike and I go way back. Never cross him. He grimaced so hard at my goldfish once, that I swear, it died on the spot. RIP flappy.

6: Hardest position for young players to have a rookie impact – Wide receiver. Easiest – running back.

7: 80 years today since my biggest college game. Starting QB for the Sochoppy Rascals, taking on the Beaverdale Commies, in the Sasparilla Bowl. Last 2 minutes, hit Jinky Mulligan, on a screen, for the winning score. Great player, great times.

8: Reggie Bush is very quiet this off season. Expect to see him looking like Lou Ferringo this year.

9: I once witnessed Al Davis eat a clam raw, while it was still in it’s shell. Never question the guy’s determination.

10: Tony is well rid of Jessica. She’s stacked, but broads and sport, they don’t mix, you hear? I missed out on qualification for the 1939 US Open, because of an unfortunate 9th hole evening liaison with Betty Grable.

Anyway, that’s me for this edition. What a week I have planned. Taking in some dominoes, with Al and the kid Tom Sellick. Hitting the Vegas lounges with Al at the weekend, with our act “Double Cream”. Estelle’s also breaking my balls to neuter the dog.

Remember, I am football, and have a gay weekend