Many words tumble through the brain when trying to describe the sight of two grown men wearing skin-tight cat-face apparel.
"Insane," "dubious" and "oh" all come to mind, but there is one word that stands high above the rest: "heroes."
Strapped into taut, cat-face wrestling singlets, the two men held signs thanking Yankees shortstop Derek Jeter, who will retire at the end of the 2014 season.
I've found Rob Van Dam's new singlet pic.twitter.com/bLNmCY2O1B— Troy Machir (@TroyMachir) June 8, 2014
Scott writes that it is difficult to find the proper adjective for these two men.
"These are two Kansas City Royals fans who found a...what’s the adjective I’m looking for here...creative way of saying goodbye to Yankees legend Derek Jeter," Scott writes.
Indeed, "creative" is one way to put it, but it hardly does justice in describing the sight of these terrified felines being stretched apart by man-paunch and muscle. The cat on the left looks far too spaced out to have been capable of providing consent in this stunt.
As for Jeter, save for an easy grounder to short, the Yankees legend fanned out at the plate, failing to get on base in four at-bats. I don’t think it is a stretch to say these costumes affected Jeter. Kansas City fans may be appreciative of the class he has brought to the game, but they are not above a little cat-face distraction.
Douglas Tucker of ESPNNewYork.com reports that the Royals will honor Jeter on Monday night with a $10,000 check for Turn 2—the shortstop’s charity which promotes healthy lifestyles for children.
Tucker’s dispatch did not note whether Kansas City’s cat crusaders will present the man with an honorary singlet, but I like to think an unofficial, spandex-exchanging ceremony will take place in the tunnels of Kauffman Stadium after the game.
It is the only way these heroes know how to say "Thank you."
Leave the gun. Take the cat spandex.