The San Francisco 49ers' All-"No" Team, Pt. 1: Skill Positions

“There'll be no parade, no TV or stage...You don't have to be a star, baby, to be in my show.” 

—Marilyn McCoo and Billy Davis Jr., 1976

Introduction

During the recent CBSSports.com contest I have witnessed some great articles recounting the 49ers glory years. I’ve seen articles describing the author’s favorite 49er team, articles comparing Steve Young to Joe Montana, and articles re-living “The Catch” and “The Stop.” Ah...those were the days!

You won’t find that here.

I have decided to assemble a 49er team based on some of the worst decisions in the last 30 years or so of the team’s history.
 
So as you’re reading, please keep this in mind. Being bad doesn’t always get you on the team, though it does help. The decision to bring you in, or even to release you, might be the deciding factor for this team.

So, without further ado, and foregoing hours of intense research (I went with the more reliable “cringe factor”), I give you the San Francisco 49ers’ All-"No" Team!
 
Grab your Maalox and barf bags and get ready to re-live some of the most painful and mind boggling decisions in 49er history.

“...Stupid is, as stupid does”

—Forest Gump, 1994
 
Quarterback: Jim Druckenmiller
 
In 1997, Jim Druckenmiller came out of Virginia Tech as a highly touted prospect at quarterback along with Arizona State’s Jake Plummer.
 
Druckenmiller sent a video of himself working out, displaying great feats of strength (including one of him pulling a station wagon around the Virginia Tech campus), to all of the NFL teams that might be interested in drafting him. It should be noted here that Druckenmiller was well known for working out side by side with his fellow Hokie linemen.
 
The Niners selected Druckenmiller with the 26th selection of the first round.
 
Following two years of play, after Druckenmiller couldn’t move up the depth chart and hadn’t thrown a pass, the man who selected him, Dwight Clark, labeled him an immature 26-year-old, and Plummer had his team, the Arizona Cardinals, in the playoffs for the first time in 26 years.
 
Safely in Cleveland, Clark pointed his finger at Walsh for the pick, claiming Walsh had told him Druckenmiller had more potential than Plummer. Walsh denied ever saying anything of the sort.
 
What we do know is this: the 49ers had asked Bill Walsh to breakdown several quarterback prospects in the 1997 draft.
 
Walsh made several very public comparisons of Plummer to Joe Montana.
 
I have seen no evidence that he ever made a breakdown of Druckenmiller.
 
Did Vinny Cerrato, Dwight Clark, and Carmen Policy want to escape Walsh’s shadow?
 
Was the 49er brain trust (term used loosely here) enamored by Druckenmiller’s video?
 
I defer to Forest here.
 
There are plenty of backups for QB position on the All-"No" Team.
 
Here are just a few: Steve Stenstrom, Ken Dorsey, Gio Carmazzi, please feel free to add your own!

“You've given me, given me
nothing but shattered dreams, shattered dreams”

—Johnny Hates Jazz, 1990

Wideouts and Tight End: Renaldo Nehemiah, JJ Stokes, Adrian Cooper

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