Livestock handling is not Mike Greenberg’s business.
Nowhere in the ESPN radio host’s contract does it say he’s legally compelled to grip bovine udders until the frothy stuff starts to flow.
But this wasn’t a pen-and-paper contractual arrangement. It was a bet between two consenting adults, and therefore it was more bulletproof than any waiver or form admissible in a court of law.
As they’re wont to do each year, the hosts of the Mike & Mike show made their annual NCAA tournament “Sheets of Integrity” bracket bets. For the fourth year in a row, Greeny found himself on the losing end of their agreement, and as such, he was tasked with the simple job of milking a dairy cow on live television/radio.
Dressed in a puffy down jacket and designer shades, Greenberg sullenly leaned over and went to work on “Vanessa” the dairy cow. All was well until about a minute into the milking when the great beast stiffened and answered nature’s call approximately two feet away from the radio host’s hands.
Ryan Glasspiegel of The Big Lead spotted video of the surprise unburdening. It’s about as perfect an ending as you could ever hope for in such a scenario.
Greenberg ran. He hopped for the horizon like a cow-dung avalanche was about to envelop the township. Naturally, everyone loved it.
“Yes! My prayers have been answered!” screamed guest host Mark Schlereth.
Mike & Mike co-host Mike Golic quickly gave radio listeners a description of recently transpired events.
“Vanessa just relieved herself…and it was not No. 1,” he said. “Greeny, did it get on you at all anywhere?”
“Yes, it did,” Greenberg said.
And there you have it, folks. A perfect ending to yet another Mike & Mike milking.
Yes, Greenberg milked his first cow after losing his bracket bet in 2007. Here’s a promotional video of that event:
Milking ain’t easy, but it’s about 500 times more manageable when the cow isn’t brick-splattering your Ferragamo driving shoes.
Be on the lookout for the stakes to rise for next year’s tournament challenge. Mike & Mike saw the mountaintop with this year’s “Sheets of Integrity” bet, so it stands to reason that 2015 will be even crazier.
Perhaps we’ll watch Greenberg milk a bull next year. You never know if it’s possible until you try.
Warm that teat.