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Kobe Can't Win Without ____; The Next Knock On Kobe Bryant

Harrison MooreAnalyst IIJune 16, 2009

Kobe Can't Win Without ____; The Next Knock On Kobe Bryant

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    Prestigious universities such as Princeton and Yale are now offering free Ph.D.s to all the individuals who have either privately or publicly claimed that Kobe Bryant and the Los Angeles Lakers could not win a title without Shaq.

    With Kobe unable to lead his team to a Championship yet again the Lakers have... Oh, wait. The Lakers won?

    Oh.

    Well, that changes things, doesn’t it?

    You’ll have to pardon the sarcasm. I’ve never had any respect for the idiots who believed that Kobe was overrated or that he would never win a title without Shaq.

    Despite Kobe’s numerous achievements after Shaq’s departure, far too many people held on to the incredibly stupid belief that Kobe was incapable of achieving more greatness without him.

    Now that we can finally put that idiotic belief behind us, you have to wonder what’s next. The Kobe haters are still out there and like most other morons, they only remain silent for so long.

    Still, for the sake of sportsmanship, lets try to help them come up with their next argument.

    Kobe Can’t Win Without…

1. The NBA

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    Okay, fine, Kobe has four Championships, but I bet he couldn’t win an NBA Championship if there was no NBA for him to play in!

    Really, think about it. How many Championships in Kobe’s entire professional career have been won outside of the NBA?

    Now we’ve got him.

    Kobe can only win Championships playing against the world’s greatest athletes. If that’s not a knock on him, I don’t know what is.

    Wait. He won the gold medal last summer didn’t he? Damn. Alright, there’s gotta be something else.

2. The Lakers

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    All four of Kobe Bryant’s Championships have come as a Laker. I mean, come on, can’t he win anywhere else?

    Only a select few players have won all of their Championships with one team and the only guys that come to mind right now are Julius Erving, Magic Johnson, Bill Russell, Larry Bird, Bill Laimbeer, Isiah Thomas, and some guy named Michael Jordan.

    What a group of losers.

    Hold on a second, I’m having a friend proofread this as I go along.

    Sorry, I’m back. My friend doesn’t know anything. He told me that those guys I just listed are all-time greats.

    Can you imagine that? Anyway let’s move on.

3. Dwayne Wade

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    After Kobe was named NBA Finals MVP in all of the Championships of the Laker three-peat earlier this decade, he became ornery as the talented young Shaq became more and more productive and left after their Finals loss in 2004.

    Kobe then paired up with another all-star SG by the name of Dwayne Wade and won his first ever Shaq-less Championship in 2006. Although Kobe never won a playoff series since, he’s become more and more arrogant, as he’s fallen further out of NBA relevancy.

    The next year Kobe became the first NBA Champion to be swept out of the first round in the last fifty years! Afterwards, Kobe’s old body began to give out on him a bit, encouraging him to quit on his team.

    The New England Patriots won more games the following year than the Heat did, but Kobe managed to be traded away to the Phoenix Suns where he’s had even less success.

    Dwayne Wade then removed him from his Fave Five.

    There’s my friend nagging at me again. Hold on.

    Oops. I made a few typos.

4. Kobe Bryant

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    Even though Kobe Bryant won a Championship, I bet you that he couldn’t win without Kobe! Think about it: if Kobe didn’t exist, then Kobe couldn’t win anything. He probably couldn’t even make the playoffs.

    Kobe may have his rings, but Kobe can’t win without Kobe!

    (Alright, maybe we’re not helping the Kobe haters come up with great arguments here, but lets face it, they aren’t smart enough to know the difference).

5. Harrison Moore (Me!)

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    I became a Laker fan when I was 11 during the 2001 NBA Finals when my dad got me into watching basketball for the first time.

    I loved AI’s passion and determination, but the Lakers were so cool in their royal purple and gold and they were extremely talented with even their role players like Rick Fox and Robert Horry knocking down three after three.

    I had no choice but to swear allegiance to both teams. Anyway, I digress.

    Sure, Kobe may have already won a Championship by the time I became a Laker fan, but he hasn’t won without me supporting him since. Take a look at my post season numbers

    Harrison Moore PF Los Angeles Lakers

    2009 Playoffs
    Points 0.0
    Assists 0.0
    Rebounds 0.0
    Steals 0.0
    Turnovers 0.0

    See? I didn’t turn the ball over. Kobe would be nothing without me!

    Well, maybe we didn't really help the Kobe haters at all. Sure, they’re idiotic, annoying, immature, spiteful, nasty, and live in denial...... Okay, I forgot where I was going with that.

    Oh well, they’re a lost cause.

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